1963
8/9/10 Jan 63
Arrived Cape Town on 8th and caught evening train for JHB. Usual hot dusty uncomfortable boring trip. I am about 3 months pregnant.
Three days later we arrived back in Johannesburg.
Fri 11 Jan 63
Staying at Casa Mia Hotel, Hillbrow until we find a flat. (NOTE The hotel was a short term stay because it is an expensive way to live and we soon found a bachelor flat where we could stay until after baby was born.)
17 Jan 63
Elizabeth, who cleans our hotel room, asked me if she could come and work for me after we leave. Had to refuse because there isn’t enough work in a bachelor flat to warrant a maid.
Fri 18 Jan 63
Moved to 302 Granada, Pretoria St, Hillbrow on Saturday. It’s a bachelor flat and we will stay here until baby is born.
NOTE: We had lived in Hillbrow before and at the time it was a vibrant and cosmopolitan area with a sense of safety (however misplaced) and it had an air of fun and creativity. I felt safe during the day but when we occasionally walked to a local bistro for a meal at night I felt an edge of nervousness and suspicion creeping in.
31 Jan 1963
Letter to Dad: The furnished flat we have moved to is very nice although not north facing which is necessary if one wants to catch the sun. Nevertheless it is quite light. It needed a lot of cleaning, walls and fittings etc and at last we have almost finished and are now getting ready to paint. We don't want to spend too much because we shall be moving to a larger flat once baby, due around June 29th, is here. All is well at present.
Sorry to hear of the awful weather you are having and now we hear that you are in for another bad spell. Ian's mother wrote to say they had been housebound for two weeks. I suppose the main streets are kept pretty clear in London but I don't envy you having to tramp part of the way to work or the shops in thick snow.
I am at the 'in between stage' at present - too fat for my clothes and too thin for maternity wear.
It was Ian's birthday on the 28th and I bought him a couple of reference books which he was pleased with. He was 33.
We are visiting Chris and Thelma's tonight to show them our slides. Thora is training to be a hairdresser, or rather, they are trying her out to see if she will make a hairdresser and if she likes the work. If she doesn't she will go back to school. Chris and Thelma are going to Capetown for a two week holiday on Saturday and her mother has moved into a flat near them in Alberton.
Our weather has been pretty odd just lately with it showering for two out of three days - the whole day - which is most unusual.
26 March 1963
Letter to Dad: Thanks so much for your letter and good luck on your hoped for promotion. You certainly deserve it AND a rise in salary as well. You will be even more busy than usual now so I will not panic if I don't hear from you as often. It will be nice for you to be off night shift, won't it but of course it means you will have to travel in the rush hour.
We are keeping our fingers crossed that you will get no more snow. I think you've had more than enough so far this winter.
Glad to hear that Maureen is fairing well. As you say I am comparing this time with previous ones and they certainly are different. Baby kicks much more than the other two. I am feeling well and the doctor (yesterday) is pleased with progress. He anticipates a quick labour (hurray) of 2 or 3 hours. Let's hope he is right.
Ian's boss's wife miscarried the other day, her third in succession. Now Ian is watching me like a hawk although I have assured him that I have never had a miscarriage and the doctor agrees that one is highly unlikely. He says I am built to have babies, being the right size and temperament. He keeps saying 'Beautiful pelvis, beautiful.' He also says that my pathological age is younger than my chronological age.
Sorry my writing is such a scrawl. I'm getting to be like Nan who says that her mind works faster than her pen.
You are right, two kittens are a bit much. It is amazing the mischief they get up to. They sleep in the bathroom and it is quite usual to get up in the morning and discover they have festooned the bathroom with toilet paper, not to mention I caught one of them actually using the toilet the other day.
Dad (centre back) in the office
9 May 1963
Letter to Dad: Congratulations on your promotion. We were talking about you the other day (did your ears burn?) saying that we could not imagine you retiring at 65 so we are quite prepared to hear, in a couple of years, that you have decided to go on working.
We had to part with our two kittens. I was forever cleaning up after them and in a flat it was very difficult. We found a good home for them. They climbed everywhere even up the curtains. They paddled in the bath leaving dirty paw marks everywhere and being so far pregnant meant I couldn't keep bending to clean up after them.
Saw the doctor again last week and he says that everything is OK. He turned the baby as it was in a breech position but I think he was just being cautious as everything was normal with the other two. Baby seems to have become much more active since then. I get kicks in the solar plexus and headers into the bladder which have a disastrous effect as you may imagine. Ian says I am looking wonderfully well, which I am except for considerable back ache. We have decided on Craig Angus for a boy and Holly for a girl.
We have everything ready for baby and Ian says he thinks it will be the best dressed baby in town but it is just the usual standard equipment however I am getting a lovely lot of things together, nothing but the best for this baby, and, of course, knitting like mad.
June:
Have been having awful backache almost constantly for some weeks. Two sleeping in a single bed does not help.
5 June 1963
Letter to Dad from 302 Granada, 11 Pretoria St, Hillbrow, Johannesburg.
We are both well apart from the cold sore on my lip. Most annoying as we are going to a wedding on Friday which is only two days away. Unfortunately I had to buy a dress for the occasion which breaks my heart with my due date only a month away. Still it is a style that can be altered after.
I am taking things easy while Ian is on tenterhooks all the time. All I have to do is groan at night with the effort from turning over and he is awake asking if the time has come? I have been sleeping badly but at least I can make up for it by sleeping during the day. I visit the library once or twice a week, which isn't far, to make sure I have plenty to read which is about all I can do.
We have almost everything we need now for the baby except a pram which we hope to acquire at the end of the month. My bag is packed and now it is just a matter of waiting.
Pleased to hear you have been having some fine weather. We shall not forget the weather we had when we left the UK last December. I don't imagine you will forget it either because the newspapers you send reported on the atrocious winter you had. I'll never forget that ride down to Southampton with we three stooges sitting in the front and all the luggage piled up in the back. Then Ian having to sit on your lap for the last part of the journey. Rather a big lad to be sitting on Daddy's knee. I still pull his leg about it.
3 Jul 63
Most embarrassing. Went into nursing home in early hours - false labour pains. Back home by 10am.
Thu 11 Jul 63
Dr Woods has said he will induce because I am now 2 weeks overdue. I am booked into Florence Nightingale Nursing Home tomorrow.
12 Jul 63
Heather born weighing 7 lbs 9 oz and delivered at 6.55 pm by Dr. Woods, my own doctor, at the Florence Nightingale Maternity Home in Hillbrow, Johannesburg.
Sat 13 Jul 63
As he drove me to the nursing home Ian was very nervous about the forthcoming birth and said he was amazed I could take it so calmly. Philosophically I replied 'Too late to change my mind now.'
The small labour room I was in was next to the room they bring the newborn babies in to weigh a second time and clean them up so I had something to watch while I waited.
Doctor Woods arrived about 10 and started inducing at 10.30. Surprisingly he stayed nearby throughout the whole day. I wasn’t allowed to eat all day so was starving hungry by the time I was wheeled out of the labour room into delivery. Hardly any discomfort or pain until about 6 in the evening when Holly was born. She is perfect and quite lovely. Doesn’t look newborn - probably because of her weight. Loads of dark hair. Loved her at first sight.
I was returned to the room where I was induced and caught sight of her face as she was being weighed next door and she looked the image of her father. She was crying at the time so her face was a little screwed up. I was amazed having heard that babies looked like their father for a short time after their birth.
The babies are kept in the nursery throughout the day except for feeding time.
The ward I am now on has 4 beds. Today at the 2pm feed the nurse rolled three bassinets down the corridor to us and I could hear a baby crying and recognised Holly’s cry but the nurse wheeled that bassinet to the woman opposite and then went back for the other baby.
While she was gone I said to the others that thought the one who had been crying was mine. On the nurse’s return she brought a bassinet to me and still feeling sure one of the other babies was mine I examined the wrist label. It did not have McPherson written on it! I told the nurse who became flustered and looked at the bassinet opposite and hastily swopped them around with an apology.
Already I recognise her cry!
Letter to H M Barnes from Ian: I could hardly wait to get home to write to you. Jean gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Hazel, just before 7 pm this evening. I saw Jean as soon as she came out of the theatre and she is in the pink of condition - one of the first things she said was - I’m hungry - when are they going to feed me? The baby is lovely, I saw her through the nursery window. She has a lot of dark hair.
Sun 14 Jul 63
We had agreed that we would call baby Holly but Ian has got it all wrong and has written and told everyone she will be called Hazel, a name I hate.Thinking about it I decided, because of the mix-up, it would be neither and named her Heather, a softer name.
Days at FN are hectic and consist of eating, feeding baby, washing with Dettol, visitors and sleeping.
She is making me very sore because she is using her gums and not sucking. Plenty of milk though. Can’t wait to get her home.
Mon 15 Jul 63
Too sore to feed Heather. Am sick of the smell of Dettol. Have a fever because of the feeding problem. Thelma and Chris came to visit this evening. Felt too ill to be sociable.
Tue 16 Jul 63
My breasts were huge with unused milk. Nurse used a breast pump on me yesterday and today (after telling me off about not reporting the feeding problem) and said I would be better tomorrow but have been put on anti-biotics in the meantime.
Belle, in next bed, had her baby by caesarian 5 days ago and already wants to know when she can go home. Has been told by her doctor that when she can stand with her back against the wall and squat down with ease he will let her home. She is now practising several times a day.
Wed 17 Jul 63
Might be allowed home tomorrow or the day after. Feeding H OK now. Tried washing my hair with a dry shampoo - didn’t like the result - when I brushed my hair it was just dust-dust-dust!
Letter to Dad from Florence Nightingale Nursing Home:
Sorry I haven't written sooner but things in the nursing home are a bit hectic. We never seem to have a moment to spare. The day consists of eating, feeding, sleeping, all as told by the nursing staff.
I am absolutely fine and so is baby. The doctor was great and spent 5 hours with me from the start to the finish of the birth. Baby has lost just 3 ounces and I am expecting to have milk today. The old dairy is back in business again.
We are both thrilled with her. Ian wanted a girl and was so excited that he forgot the name we were going to give her. He wrote and told everyone it was Hazel. I wrote to everyone saying it was Holly so we settled for Heather in the end - the name is probably better for her. So Heather Jean McPherson it is. Now I am having a nice rest at the hospital and go home on Saturday. Chris and Thelma visited last night and we spent a pleasant hour.
Heather looks like Ian with his dark hair and eyes and I think she'll be very pretty. We have decided that one is enough. I had such awful backache towards the end and really slept terribly badly and we both felt that 31 was a good age to stop.
Thur 18 Jul 63
Nurse came in to massage my stomach to make sure there were no clots in the uteris - she dug her fingers in and it was agony. Doc says I can go home tomorrow.
1 August 63 at 43 Wildor Crest, Catherine Ave, Berea, JHB
Have moved to this nicer flat. Still small but it gets more light and the sun shines on the stoep. The other place was very dark and the stoep never saw the sun while the road outside was busy, so very dusty. It’s near a park too which is within easy walking distance and has a great view which overlooks the city.
Tue 27 Aug 63
Heather is gaining weight and is 10 lbs 8oz. I spend long moments just looking at her while she sleeps beside me while resting on the bed in the afternoon. I adore her. When she wakes I sing to her and she gazes up into my face almost as though she can understand the words I am singing and gives me a little smile every now and then.
Heather at about 6 weeks
I love keeping her clean and sweet smelling. People I’ve never seen before stop me in the street and say they had to do so because she is a lovely baby so it is not just me being biased.
She is very good - sleeps right through the night from 10 to 6 - this from the time I brought her home and has to be woken for her 10 o’clock feed even then so dropped it because she is putting on weight well. Now she sleeps from 8 to 6 and often does not wake until after 7. She would sleep from 6 to 6 except I keep her awake of an evening so Ian can see her when he gets home at 8pm. He always promises to be home by 6 but never makes it. He insists he has to get to the office early and leaves at 7am and if I didn’t keep her awake he would hardly see her at all during the week. We hardly see each other in any case.
Very good baby. The sun is warm so I put her out on the stoep today for a sun bath and she thoroughly enjoyed kicking her legs without a nappy on.
Someone living on the same floor stopped me today to admire Heather and she seems very friendly became friendly. Her name is Jackie and she said she and her husband Warner badly want a baby.
Letter to Dad: We are all well and Heather is gaining weight satisfactorily if not as fast as Sean. She's 10 lbs 8 oz at present and is positively beautiful. I know I am prejudiced but everyone tell me so it must be true. Ian and I get a lot of pleasure from her. She sleeps through the night from 10 until 6 and I think she is ready to drop the feed at 10 pm as well as she always has to be woken.
How is the office these days? I expect you had quite a time of it with this Keeler business. I felt very sorry for Ward.
(Dad was working for the Daily Sketch at the time and parking restrictions were brought in in Fleet Street, he was asked to pose for a picture outside in the street.)
Letter to Dad continued:
We are getting our summer weather here at last and how glorious it is. Heather goes out onto the stoep every day for a little sunbathing and thoroughly enjoys kicking her legs and getting a warm bottom. She had a nasty cold a couple of weeks ago which kept me busy but is well over it now. There is a nice park close by and I sometimes trot down there in the afternoon with Heather and a friend, for a few hours, and it is very pleasant.
We are going to see 'How the West was won' this evening. I've wanted to see it for some time and we have not been to the cinema for 4 months which is quite something for us. We haven't been out in the evening since a month before Heather was born.
 |
| At about 2 months |
1 Sep 63
Jackie and Warner absolutely adore Heather and keep offering to look after her and often buy little presents for her.
I now take Heather to the park for a few hours every day. She knows how to play with a rattle but sometimes hits herself on the head and lets out a squawk when she does so.
Jackie, who is on leave, has taken to walking to the park with us so I have company. Have also made friends with a Swiss girl, Greta, who has a baby boy, Roland, born in late July. Rollie for short. He is a lovely happy little baby but she doesn’t keep him clean so he smells all the time. She leaves his nappy on long after it needs changing and he smells of sour milk behind the ears which are encrusted with stale vomit. I can hardly bear to hold him for the smell and long to give him a good bath.
Having a few friends in tonight for my birthday.
3 Sep 63
Received a telegram today which I opened before I had read who it was addressed to - thinking it was for us and bad news from Dad. The address was correct but it was addressed to Mrs Jackie Smith.
It read ‘Isn’t it time you packed in all that nonsense and come home. Have you got rid of Pofaced Smith yet? Ron ’ It took several readings before I realised it was addressed to friend Jackie, because I did not know her surname. Poface Smith is Warner. I thought Poface was a nickname like Hopalong or Wild Bill and was interpreting it to rhyme with ‘office’! Silly me.
I took it through to Jackie later when she got home hoping that Warner had not got home from work - but he had so felt very embarrased when I realised the proper pronunciation as Warner read it out over her shoulder. Poe faced Smith! Jacqui then confessed that they were not married and the telegram was from her husband Ron Mackenzie who had been one of the youngest sub-eds on Fleet Street . They had gone to Rhodesia and split up when she left him for Warner. I was stunned to say the least not that it worried me that they were not married.
Jackie (or Jacqui, as she prefers to spell it) then reminded me that at my birthday party I had a pack of fortune telling cards and had told Jackie and Warner’s fortune. I'd had one drink too many at the time so was feeling very relaxed and whoozy and let my mind wander, making up all sorts of outlandish and very much tongue in cheek (so I thought) things including saying jokingly to Jackie ‘Oh yes and it says here that you two aren’t married.’ Jackie is very much into believing supernatural things and now thinks I have uncanny powers!
At times she is a bit of an actress but fun to be with. It makes me realise how much I miss living in a country where everyone has a similar background to me.
Bit of a cheek, I thought, giving her husband our address for her mail without telling us. Apparently she didn’t want him to know exactly where she was staying.
She is a bit of a neurotic hypochondriac - always has some part of her in pain. Chest, womb, bowels, throat, head - it’s always some ache or pain which she is sure is killing her and tops anything anyone else has.
She likes Warner to dress in trendy clothes and went along with him recently to have a suit tailor made for when they marry. She designed it herself, in an Italian style she said. Cuffed sleeves, bum freezer jacket, 3 button loose style. (NOTE:Said it was the thing in London and it was because all the Mods were wearing them!]
However we all get on well together and have a few laughs and they absolutely adore H.
Wed 18 Sep 63
H has her first tooth. I can’t believe it. I often rub her gums with my finger so perhaps I have helped it through. Hope she doesn’t bite me.
Fri 20 Sep 63
H has her second tooth. She is quite beautiful. We play ‘Walkie Round the Garden’ and I sing ‘I had a little donkey’ to her.
Wed 20 Nov 63
H’s first Polio inoculation.
Thu 21 Nov 63
Greta is going back to Switzerland with her husband. She asked me to look after Rollie for an hour this morning while she went into JHB to get various papers sorted with the consulate. It turned out to be a day when I could not leave the flat to take H for a walk.
For a start Greta called in an hour earlier than she said she would, so I wasn;t ready. She hadn’t brought any food, bottles or nappies for him.The opportunity was there so the moment she had gone I bathed ‘smelly’ Rollie (his nappy being dirty as well of course) and who was still in the clothes he was wearing yesterday, and made him sweet smelling again and dressed him in some of H’s clothes.
hen I cleaned out his pram which was filthy and smelly and washed his clothes and the bedding. He was very good.
6 hours later she turned up and rushed off without an apology for being away longer than she had said.
She recently told me there was a smell in her flat and asked me what I thought it was. I could have told her it smells of cockroaches!
Fri 22 Nov 63
Recollection: Ian and I were sitting listening to the radio when it was announced that President Kennedy had been shot. To say we were stunned just does not sum it up.
Sun 24 November 63
Went out for walk in pm. Not at all like walking in UK. People passing in cars looked at us as though we are mad because no one walks here. Heard that Kennedy’s assassin was shot in Dallas.
22 Dec 63
Took photos of my beautiful Heather. She’s a joy.
Wed 25 Dec 63
Spent day with Chris, Thel and Thora and Keith Setters at Alberton. Keith managed to break one of Thel’s antique family treasures which she had up high on the wall where it was safe. Bumbling Keith climbed up to fix a decoration which had fallen down, despite being told to leave it. Slipped and knocked it down with his hand. She sounded very philosophical about it but it must have been upsetting because it belonged to her grandmother. She hid her feelings well.
Thu 26 Dec 63
Sat on stoep having drinks after lunch today when tribal fighting broke out right outside the front of the flats. A crowd of Zulus came running round the corner of the street from the direction of the main street, chasing a Basuto. They caught up with him and started stabbing him with assegais. He managed to escape and went running down Nugget Hill with them after him. Thank goodness we are on the 4th floor.
It’s definitely time we left.
Mon 30 Dec 63
Heather woke again last night at the same time. 2am. I have heard her stirring in the night for the last month. She murmurs a bit to herself and then falls back to sleep. Really it’s almost as though she is talking quietly in her sleep. While it always wakes me it doesn’t wake Ian.
A couple of nights ago though it did and he asked if I was going to see if she was OK. I told him she did this every night and wasn’t crying - just murmuring and that we should leave her and she would go back to sleep. She murmured a bit more and after a minute Ian said ‘You can’t just ignore her’. I said she wasn’t crying or distressed and if we should left her a little longer she would go back to sleep.
He decided that he would go to see what she wanted. I told him this was not a good idea because he would only waken her more but he insisted.
OK, I said, but if you insist and you pick her up tonight she will probably wake again tomorrow. You are making a rod for your own back. She will expect someone to pick her up every night then and if that happens I shall expect you to get up to see to her because it will be a problem of your own making. He went anyway.
1964
15 Jan 64
I feel like a seer because Heather now wakes every night and cries until Ian goes to her. He is now sulking and complaining about having a broken nights sleep every night. To keep the peace I have agreed to get up in future!
Mon 20 Jan 64
H’s 2nd polio inoculation.
Feb 64
Written on return:
The Bruntons offered the loan of their cottage at Hartebeestepoort Dam for a holiday. Ian took up the offer and said he would get us a car from work. I suggested we to hire a car but he said there was no problem getting a car because there were always half a dozen good cars in the garage which UDT had repossessed.
He left it to the last minute to leave home. 8 am on the day we were leaving, saying he would have no trouble arranging a car and I had everything ready early on the day for us to leave at 10.
So I packed quite a pile of stuff because of H’s age and needs now I am no longer feeding her myself. Food for us, baby food for Heather, pram, mosquito net, baby bath, pillows, sheets, towels, other bedding, toiletry, medicine, H’s and our clothes, feeding bottles, sterilising equipment, soap, soap powder etc - it took all morning to sort and pile up and made quite a heap.
He returned home saying it wouldn't be ready until 2 pm. Later he went off to collect the car again and didn't return until 4.30. We then we found the car too small AND we had trouble packing everything we needed in it.
Recollection: When he had arrived back at lunchtime (2pm) he said there was no car in the firm’s pound. I was very angry because it was another one of his arrangements which had gone wrong. All along I had said we should hire a car but he wouldn’t have it and assured me there would be no problem getting a car. Fortunately Jacqui and Warner offered to take some of it for us, thank goodness, otherwise we would not have made it.
That night, after they had left, we sat outside for a couple of hours by the light of the pressure lamp and were plagued with mosquitoes for most of that night and had to shelter our heads under H’s very small mosquito net.
Disaster next morning when we found the car keys were missing. We needed the car to colelct fresh water which was not on tap at the cottage. We spent that day from 6 to 6 (10 hours) and most of the next searching for the keys to the car.
In and out the house and up and down the mountainside to and from the car, road and house several times. In the late afternoon of the 2nd day, exhausted, I lay down in the hammock and when it started getting cool Ian rolled down his shirt sleeves and the keys fell out! In the end I had to laugh. More from relief perhaps.
Mosquito wise now and before going to bed we hung the light a little way from the house which drew the mosquitos away.
J & W visited us the following day and Ian went down in the car with Warner to fetch fresh water with the Brunton’s dog in tow. To keep things brief - outside the shop he let the dog out of the car - dog got in dog fight. Ian tried to separate them and was bitten on hand.
J & W offered to drive him in to see the doctor in JHB but he wouldn’t have that and by the time his hand was the size of a grapefruit he finally admitted he needed to see a doctor, J & W had left to return home.
So with no doctor locally and no public transport I had to drive us back to JHB, again with no driving licence, to take him the Emergency at JHB Hospital.
There H and I waited in the dark in the car which was parked in the road and, it now being 9 in the evening waited 2 hours while he was treated.
We returned to flat for the night and went back to Dam the following day (10th).
The next day H went down with enteritis so we packed up and returned to JHB on the 12th and called the doctor. She had a very high temperature so I spent the night either wiping her down with damp sponges to bring it down and cuddling her. Meanwhile Ian slept right through it and that was the end of the holiday! Things always seem to go wrong when Ian plays any part in the arrangements. Of course it is never his fault!
Sun 23 Feb 64
Thelma’s birthday and we were invited over yesterday for a small family celebration. Thora made a big fuss of Heather. A most enjoyable day. We all went swimming and later flew kites from a nearby open space. It was great fun.
In the evening there was a family party with community singing which she had asked me to arrange and lead. With most of the guests coming from England and mixing it was almost like home. Everyone had a lovely time.
Wed 11 Mar 64
H’s third polio inoculation.
Fri 15 May 64
H is now standing and plodding round the furniture. Will not stay down when put into her cot at night and keeps calling for us. Of course Ian goes to her every time until the middle of the night.
She says Mumma, Dadda, tata, hedda, hallo, pretty and wossat! Climbs everywhere and enjoys turning out the kitchen cupboards. Carefully cleaned her 3 in 1 Pedigree pram until it looked new, advertised it and sold it for the price I paid for it new and bought a push cart!
We have talked things over and decided to return to the UK as we no longer feel safe here. We have considered New Zealand but decided that England is best. Wrote to Dad to tell him.
15 May 1964 Letter to Dad from 43 Wildor Crest, Catherine Ave, Berea, Johannesburg
Ian and I have for some time been considering a move from SA. We started thinking about it before our trip over in 1962 and were considering a move back to the UK if we felt we would be able to settle. However we were put off by that bad winter. We are completely spoilt as far as weather goes and don't know if we could take too much cold weather so are looking at other places as well and have heard New Zealand is a good place to live and are considering there as well. Africa and the US are out (the US because of the rat race) and Australia doesn't appeal. We did consider there because Ian's brother is out there, then we met some people who had been to New Zealand and they are aching to go back.
We do not feel safe in SA any longer and even if it meant that our standard of living dropped feel it would be better to be happy somewhere else which is more important. It will cost quite a lot to get there especially if we want to take our furniture with us and we also want to have £1000 to get us started. If we are going to do it, the sooner the better and while we are both young, not forgetting Heather's welfare as well.
We have both thought very carefully about leaving for a considerable time and have not come to this decision overnight. We will not be able to get going for at least a year and meanwhile we are trying to find out as much as we can about places.
Heather is standing and plodding around hanging on to the furniture. Ian is constantly worried that she will hurt herself if she falls over and dashes forward to catch her. He can hardly sit comfortably when she is up and about. She waves by-by to him in the morning and puts her arms out to welcome him in the evening and climbs all over him while he is at home. There is no keeping her down and she pops up in her cot at odd hours when she is supposed to be sleeping, calling out 'Mumma' or 'Dadda'. We take her out for a walk (almost unheard of here in Johannesburg) every Sunday morning and are gone for a couple of hours. Ian feels a lot fitter for it and so am I.
We sold the pram for the same as I paid for it and Heather now had a push cart and high chair. The pram was a Pedigree 3-in-1 which everyone out here buys - no one has carriage prams. It was in excellent condition when I sold it with not a mark on it. Ian would not push the Pedigree, except up hills but is happy to push the pushcart.
The only details I know of Chris and Thelma's trip so far is that they are sailing in July on the Stirling Castle and then going to the USA on one of the Queens. I don't think they will be long in the UK. I'll try to find out more for you because I know that they would like to see you again as whenever they mention their last trip they talk about the lovely evening they had with you.
I have heard that Colin has remarried and from what I gather (not my words) his wife is a dumb blonde who has loose morals and they are on their way to Rhodesia. He is drinking more than ever.
Give my love to Bing the budgie. 10 years old is quite something for a budgie.
Jun 64
Bought H a book of famous paintings from bookshop in Hillbrow last week and now spend a little time each day looking through it together. She is very good and does not tear or draw on books. She points out things and I tell her what they are - or she tells me.
Nelson Mandela was sentenced to life last week. The Black Sash were demonstrating outside the courts.
Jul 64
Thelma and Chris have left JHB for a trip overseas on the Stirling Castle to the UK and then the Queen Mary to the USA. Will miss her terribly while she is away.
Before she left she told me John Turnbull has remarried Peggy who was staying in his mother’s guesthouse at one time. Thel says Peggy can match John drink for drink and does which appeals to John. Says even her Chris has noticed the change in him.
Aug 64
Have taken some lovely photos of H in the park.
Sep 64
Ian was been promoted to Witbank Branch Manager UDC a month or so ago and has been staying in Witbank and returning home at the weekends. There is a company house to go with it. We have very little furniture so Ian arranged with a colleague who owns a furniture warehouse to let me go along and choose the furniture I want. Ian didn’t trust me to pick the right furniture and asked Jacqui to go along to advise me. Cheek of him! She had grandiose ideas such as four poster beds hung with curtains on a raised dais!!
Picture taken for Witbank newspaper
Fri 30 Oct 64
We expect to leave the flat for Witbank at lunchtime.
31 Oct 64
As usual despite promises Ian didn’t arrive home from the office until late (10pm) so we left JHB quite late after packing the car. By the time we reached Pretoria we were tired so decided to find a hotel for the night. Ian went into two hotels but was told they had no vacancies. I asked him what he said to the desk clerk and he said that he wanted a room for two. I told him this was Pretoria and they probably thought he was booking the room for someone he had picked up for the night. I suggested that next time he should say it was for his wife and baby. As expected the next hotel had a room. There's an expression in England - 'couldn't organise a booze up in a brewery' - which comes to mind.
H kept me awake all night and wouldn’t sleep in the cot but insisted on sitting up between us and playing. By morning I was exhausted having been awake since 7 the previous day. Ian slept like a log.
We then drove to 11 Dahlia St, Witbank only to arrive to find the van for the people moving out was late arriving and our furniture was being off loaded into the garden as theirs was being moved out of the house so had keep a careful eye on things to make sure stuff didn’t get mixed up.
It is a very nice house with 3 bedrooms, the largest one with a dressing room off (in which H is to sleep), dining room, lounge, large kitchen and bathroom with shower. Large garden with a sand pit for H. Maid’s room etc.
 |
| 11 Dahlia St, Witbank |
H is still waking up at night and Ian is now complaining. He doesn’t get up for her at night having passed that task on to me, and since she is sleeping in the dressing room attached to our bedroom her cries are louder and wake him. He decided last night that he'd had enough and it was time she was in her own room which is along the corridor from us.
She woke again in the middle of the night and started to call out but didn’t sound upset so I stood outside her door in case she became distressed. After a few minutes everything went quiet and she fell asleep. I went in and covered her up without waking her and went back to bed. Ian woke this morning and said ‘She didn’t wake last night, then?’
4 Dec 64
Piet from 3 doors up decided he would show us around the area and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wanted us all to go in one car but I opted out being nervous of strange drivers, especially ones who drink.
We drove for miles and stopped for lunch and then drove on. It tipped down with rain and then he turned on to a dirt road which had a drop on our side. The road was swimming with mud a foot deep and we bogged down and everyone turned out to push us out. Heather was asleep in the back and Ian said to leave her there but I thought the car might go over the edge so I hopped out of the car with her in my arms. The mud was half way up my shins. The car slithered and slid all over the road before it was on firmer ground and we could set off again.
Of course being out in the bundu there were no toilets and Ian stopped at a place where there seemed to be a little cover to have a pee. Piet and his party stopped also and asked where Ian had gone, then realised and said 'Oh, he's gone to relieve himself.' Then loudly 'Anyone else want to relieve themselves.
Of course me, being so dignified, was not going to have anyone say 'Oh, she's gone off to relieve herself' so stayed in the car and an hour later was regretting it.
Eventually we managed to lose them and I asked Ian to stop somewhere where I could get out and pee by the side of the car. He came to a long hill where there was a good view and started down. Another car was coming in the opposite direction and he waited until they disappeared over the brow of the hill behind us and stopped the half way down.
I hopped out of the front door and started when the car which had passed us came over the brow of the hill in our direction. Unable to stop I didn't know whether to get back in the car or not and as they passed us, through their rear window, I could see two heads bobbing about as they screamed with laughter at the sight of me hopping about trying to stop!
Lesson learned: Never stand on one's dignity.
12 Dec 64
Last weekend we were invited to a local garden party being held by a prosperous local Jewish family who had dealings with UDC. Very nice intelligent friendly family. Rita, the hostess, took particular care to make me welcome and took me under her wing, introducing me to everyone and later took me to one side and spent a long of time talking with me. We had a most enjoyable conversation about a variety of subjects. She said there wasn’t much intelligent discussion amongst most of the people of Witbank and felt that we could be friends. On this I had to agree.
She then surprised me by asking why I had married Ian suggesting indirectly that he had money and that was the reason. I thought this was funny and told her this was not the case. She then said she hoped I would not be offended when she asked if I had been pregnant when we had married. Again I said it was not the case and told her how old Heather was. She then said a very odd thing. She said she couldn’t understand why I had married Ian because he was not my intellectual equal. I was rather flummoxed for an answer because I have never thought of myself as being intellectual.
Fri 25 Dec 64
Christmas at Witbank.
When H woke we took her into the lounge where we had piled up her presents. She was only interested in opening the big one. A doll’s pram and dolly, which she played with for the rest of the day and only with difficulty could be persuaded to open the other presents late in the afternoon. She looked gorgeous in her new pink dress.
Boxing Day
Warner phoned to say Jacqui has been in hospital over Christmas. They had invited us over to visit them for the day so we decided we would drive down and visit her in hospital first and then go back with Warner for a short while.
I began an awful headache half an hour out from Witbank. Felt sick, the light hurt my eyes and my head ached. Could it be the car fumes?
We visited J, who was looking quite bright and cheerful, but Ian had to come out after 5 minutes because he felt faint. Said he hates hospitals and they make him sick..
1965
Fri 1 Jan 65
Thelma, Chris and Thora came to visit (arrived yesterday) for a couple of nights and we all went to a New Year’s Dance in Witbank. Thel had a little too much to drink and when Chris thought they should go home because he felt she'd had anout she kept sayin 'I'm bone stold cober.'
This afternoon we all enjoyed an energetic game of beachball on the lawn and this evening are having a braai. Weather good.
Sat 16 Jan 65
Jacqui, Warner and her Mum came for a visit and spent the night. Braai in evening. Weather good.
Jacqui told me soon after we met that her surname was Castlemaine and she was descended from Barbara Castlemaine who was Charless II’s mistress.
Mentioned the connection to Jacqui’s mother and she said, ‘nonsense, that’s not Jacqui’s name at all and neither is Jacqui - her proper name is Patricia. She’s full of fancy ideas and always telling lies.’
Well, well, well.
Sun 17 Jan 65
Drove them all round the Sabie area.
Feb 65
Drove to Long Tom’s Pass, Cigar Rock and God’s Window.
Sat 20 Mar 65
Ian can be so very inconsiderate. It often happens that he says he will be home for dinner at a certain time and then does not bother to phone to say he will be late. Sometimes 2 or 3 hours late. He said he would be home at 6 last night then turned up eventually at 9pm with someone from UDC head office who was visiting (unexpectedly) and needed somewhere to stay for the night. Of course Ian had forgotten to book a hotel room for him.
I had only prepared dinner only prepared for 2 and had already eaten mine so had to scratch something up for them because his dinner had been keeping warm for so long in the oven it had dried out) and had to greet them with a big smile of welcome whip up a meal for them both!
He still insisted on seeing H the moment he gothome regardless of the time, woke her up and then left me to settle her down. Nowadays she will not go to sleep until he has been in to see her and read her 3 or more stories.
Sun 27 Mar 65
Had a big party last night - about 25 - 30 people. Chris, Thelma and Thora who were visiting, Victor, Harry, Chips, Leah, Jocky, Jimmy. Arden, Wanda, Anita, Bill, Lionel, Dulcie, Flip and Ria, while Trini Lopez did his bit with 'If I had a hammer' and 'La Bamba.'
Did all the cooking myself - which took the whole day. As usual the men stood around over here and the women sat around over there. I soon broke that up! I didn't stand all day cooking to have that sort of party. If they wanted to eat and drink they have to mix.
Chips turned up with a tandem and everyone had a go behind him along the dirt road outside. Down to the end and back. Our street has no street lights yet but everyone insisted on going for a ride by the light on the front which was pretty poor. Then it was my turn, by which time it was quite dark and I expected to land in a ditch at any moment because by then Chips, who was in front, was one over the eight. I have never ridden a bicycle before either so felt very shakey. Off we set - wobble, wobble, wobble from side to side. Pitch dark. Dirt road. Felt sure I would end up in a ditch or we would hit a wall because the night was so dark.
I found the following quotation the other day 'It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.' How true and, I would add, 'or hope to change a fanatics views.'
Wed 9 Jun 65
Somehow managed to pass my driving test! It happened suddenly when the local police sergeant arrived to test me - something Ian had organised without telling me.
My knees were literally knocking together with nervousness however I managed everything OK but then had trouble parking, and tried 3 times! It was most embarrassing because it is something I usually do correctly and with ease. In the end the police sergeant said ‘You've passed but I suggest you try using diagonal car parking in future!’
Fri 27 Aug 65
Ian attended a Branch Manager’s meeting in JHB on 20th - Told by United Dominions Corporation management that 6 offices would close including Witbank Office which would close in November because of credit squeeze. Ian had already heard this from a competitor a week earlier.
There is virtually no business about. All the Branch Managers felt they should have been taken into UDC’s confidence before they were told by a competitor. All were offered a job as new business reps in Pretoria and other large branches.
Because of the credit squeeze the company is doing virtually no business and all the larger branches are overstaffed and the only positions on offer were as New Business Rep's. Ian said he would think the offer over and (wisely) then discussed it with me.
The other 5 branch managers had all said they will stay on as business reps at least until the Christmas bonus is paid. We sat talking late into the night and I suggested he should resign and look for another job. Oncce Christmas came they would all be looking for jobs and leaving now may give him a head start in the jobs market. (What a birthday present.)
Later: Ian (who was the only one to say his piece at the next meeting a week later) felt he couldn't accept a lower position despite the company's assurance that it was not the fault of the Branch Managers that this situation had come about. The company said we have nothing more to offer you and Ian said then I resign. So they said OK but lets leave on good terms. We will give you two months pay, close the office at the end of September and allow you all the time off you need to look for another position. You'll get six weeks leave pay and your pension money. They will even ship our furniture back to Johannesburg. They don't want him to go to a competitor and they said they will also see if they can find him a position. Ian is full of confidence that he will be able to get a better position and I know he will. The amount of time he puts in makes him a valuable asset to any company and UDC knows it.
Anyway the piece de resistance was that the girls in the Witbank office had been told that the office was closing on November 30 and they all went out and found themselves new positions locally to start December 1st. Then the company said they were sorry but they were closing the office on October 1st and the girls, naturally feeling very cross at this decision, phoned up Head Office and said they would be losing two months pay because of this decision and their Christmas bonus and were then told there would be no Christmas bonus this year for anyone. So Ian is on the job market early and the other 5 branch managers will be on it later and looking for similar positions.
Ann and Chris
September 1965Extract from letter to Dad 16 October
We spent a week in Durban and had a lovely time. The car went well and Heather loved the sea. Unfortunately this week she has a throat infection which could turn into tonsillitis if not treated, so is on penicillin. What a struggle it is to get the medicine down her at present. We have to hold her down and squirt it down her throat with an eye dropper. We are working on persuading her that if she swallows it quickly followed by a sweet drink, it won't taste so bad. We have tried everything to get her to take it. Mixing it with foods and drink, plain on a teaspoon, encouragement, sweet persuasion. Even the doctor, all full of confidence, gave up trying to get her to take it. We know it is not good to force her but it seems to be the only way to get it down her. Thank goodness, she now seems a lot better.
14 0ct 65
Ian picked me up to go into the office to say goodbye to his staff. He opened the car door at the back for H first and then, as he always insists on doing, opened the door for me (I keep asking him not to but he always insists and gets quite angry if I don’t wait for him to come round). H jumped down from the car and ran straight out into the road. Ian didn’t notice and was blocking my way so I couldn’t reach her. If I hadn’t yelled at him to catch her she would have been killed by a passing vehicle. Sometimes he has no idea.
Sat 16 Oct 65
Witbank office now closed. Have moved to first floor flat at 10 Merlyn Gardens, Blanca Avenue, Berario and Ian has found a good job in Benoni with Delfos & Atlas Copco which produces compressors and will be in charge of 19 credit office throughout SA.
Letter to Dad dated 16 October 1965 from 10 Merlyn Gardens, Blanca Avenue, Berario, Johannesburg.
Ian's new job sounds fabulous and will give him some wonderful background for starting off fresh in the UK. He'll be in charge of credit for the 19 offices in South Africa and next June the company takes delivery of a computer and it will go over to being a computer run company and his job will be to get the company ready, between now and June, for the changeover. Meanwhile he is swotting like mad on computers and starts with the company on Monday 18 October 1965. He's keen to start now! I think he finds being at home on holiday a bit of a drag, he's so keen to get back to work.
At last we are settled in our new flat but what a business. Moving into a brand new flat is almost as bad as moving into an old one. Paint and cement to clean up and dust everywhere.
Heather starts morning creche on November 1st and I'll then have a chance to clean the flat up properly. I think the creche will do her good as she is missing the garden and gets fed up staying in the flat. She loves the company of other children and misses playing with them.
Our position is that things out here don't suit us any longer and we are going to try and get out as soon as possible.
My 18 October 65
Ian started with Delfos & Atlas Copco (compressed air engineers). Next June the company is bringing in a computer and he has to prepare the company for the changeover so will have to learn all about computers.
My November 1, 65
Heather has started at a morning creche nearby.
Wed 1 Dec 65
Heather had a heavy cold and tonsillitis again. She has settled down at the creche and is very happy having other children to play with.
Ian has decided he needs other interests and has joined the Scouts as an Assistant Scout Master. He has never been a scout and knows absolutely nothing about scouting so don’t know why he is showing an interest! Got his uniform last week (the hat looks miles too big) and he is going for his first hike over the weekend. Three assistant Scout Masters and a dozen scouts.
5 Dec 65
It turned out they were going to build an obstacle course over a river for 150 school-boys - so not a hike after all and a lot of hard work and (typically) he was completely unprepared with no ground sheet, sleeping bag or mat, rainware, etc. He came back exhausted, soaking wet and his new outfit covered in mud!.
Much trouble in Rhodesia.
Letter to Dad:
Have had a cold for the last fortnight and I am still not feeling too bright. Heather also had a heavy cold and tonsillitis again and gave the cold to me and, I think, a strep throat. Then Ian caught it. He's better but I just cannot seem to shake off this heady feeling and irritating cough.
Ian is getting along well in his new job and is very pleased with the way things are going.
What do you think of this Rhodesia business? Of course the British aren't exactly in South Africa's good books because of it. Thelma says that the S.Africans in her office seem to blame her personally for the whole business and she is getting fed up with it.
12 Dec 65
Died Bretter Tinca.
Dec 65
Spent a week in Durban early in the month but on our return H got tonsillitis again and is now on penicillin. Difficult to get medicine down her.
Tue 28 Dec 65
A good Christmas. Chris, Thel and Thora over for tea and stayed over until Monday.
Letter to Dad: Well Christmas is over and all we keep hearing from Heather is 'Want another present.' (Dis-satisfied little madame.) Trouble is she received the usual pillow case from Father Christmas on Christmas morning and her larger presents in the afternoon. Chris and Thelma brought presents on Boxing Day and then we found an overlooked one the following day. Tonight a couple of friends are coming to exchange presents and now Heather thinks it's Christmas every day.
We had a lovely Christmas. Chris and Thelma came over for Christmas tea and stayed over until Monday. On Boxing Day we all went to a party in the flat below, the Lancashire lass I mentioned in an earlier letter). She and her husband are from St Helen's, Lancs. They have his parents out here at present, and Pat, their son, is in partnership with a couple of men who were also invited along. They install pipes at sites but are really welders, not engineers, as they like to boast.
We all, Ian and I, Chris and Thelma, arrived and everything was pretty dead. As usual men on one side of the room and women on the other. We were looked over by the rest of the guests the moment we arrived and made to feel very uncomfortable.
Then the two men started heckling Ian and Chris. (Who incidentally is a South African.) We ignored this until about 1am when one of the partners who was standing next to Ian said 'When a Scotsman walks into a pub everyone walks out because they cannot stand the smell' and 'See what the Pommies have done to Rhodesia' and 'You Souties' (which is a SA insult) don't know what you are talking about. Compare England with South Africa and you'll see that SA has everything and England nothing.' So, never one to keep quiet, I said 'That's interesting. When were you last in Britain?' Silence. 'How can you comment on England when you have never been there. At least I have been in SA for 13 years.' I said. 'Who said I hadn't been to England? I was there for 9 months.' 'That's funny' said Ian 'when we were talking just now you said you'd never been further than Lourenco Marques.'
Then the other partner said to Chris 'It's English people like you that he had messed up the country.' Chris informed him he was South African born and bred. Thank goodness they left soon after at the request of the host and hostess,
John's mother, Mrs Bretter, died two weeks ago. Can't say I have any feelings of regret. It's awful to think this way I know but she was never particularly kind to me and always blamed me when John was unkind to her.
1966
End
Jan 66
With
Thora today for her hairdressing Trade test finals. I was her tint model and
the Lancs girl downstairs her perm
model. We set out early and the morning was warm and bright as we drove to the
test centre near Pretoria. The whole day was spent washing, cutting, setting,
waving, perming, tinting and drying. If she passes this test she will only have
to work one more year to be qualified.
Fri
11 Feb 66
Have
found another flat nearer Ian’s work in Benoni. We will be moving
there later in the month. (8 Las Vegas Court, corner Princes Avenue & Kimbolton
Street, Benoni.) I have given up counting the number of house moves I have made
since arriving in SA. 17 or 18 I should think.
Ian
has to leave early (6.45) in the morning for work from here in Berario. It takes about an hour and he gets back late (about 9pm) Travelling makes it a long day for
him.
(Diary note: Heather has settled down at the creche and is very happy having other children to play with although she is still very pleased to see me when I pick her up. She is such a little sweetheart and Daddy absolutely adores the little Madame.)
(Diary note: Heather has settled down at the creche and is very happy having other children to play with although she is still very pleased to see me when I pick her up. She is such a little sweetheart and Daddy absolutely adores the little Madame.)
Have
found a creche nearby for H where she can play with children her own age but
she misses the garden at Witbank. The creche has a nice big garden. Seems such
a pity, just as she has started getting used to it, to have to move because she
has settled down so well and loves
playing with others her own age however she is always overjoyed to see me when
I arrive to pick her up. Her face beams and she runs straight into my arms.
We
have had 2 weeks of rain and there is mud everywhere. At the creche the grounds
are flooded and there is a huge muddy puddle at the gate which one has to cross
to enter. This involves hanging on to
the gatepost with one hand and a leap, swinging oneself across the puddle with H with
tucked under the other arm - quite a precarious situation for a few seconds
with H laughing at my efforts but haven’t fallen in the mud yet. It was mud
everywhere and wet washing hanging about at home the whole time.Heather
has a heavy cold and tonsillitis again. This seems to be happening every month
now.
Have
been invited to join Thelma, Chris and Thora at Ramsgate, Natal on 19th for a
week’s holiday . They have taken a cottage there for 3 weeks. It is
disappointing because Ian was to go with us but, as usual, now feels he cannot get away so it is just H
and me. Well I'm not complaining. This has been planned for several months and, unfortunately, now
appears, with the move to Benoni, to be at a bad time. A couple of days after I return we
move to Benoni. I will try to complete most of the packing before we leave for
Durban so there will be little for Ian to do except supervise the move. It
should work out. This will be the first time I have not been involved in the
actual move and unpacking.
Sat
19 Feb 66
Yesterday
travelled down to Ramsgate on the South Coast and the journey in our old Triumph took 12 hours
with stops !! As usual Ian should have had the car serviced before we left but
couldn’t find time!
Now, at the end of the journey, I have the usual steady humming in my
ears. H slept for much of the way in what little room there is in the back, which probably means she will be awake
tonight. Chris looked at the car when we arrived and found the petrol filter
needed changing and then the car was OK. Ian left early in the morning to
return because he was anxious about the office.
Sun
27 Feb 66
Just
returned from Ramsgate. We had a wonderful holiday. Very relaxing. Thel’s Mum
who is over 80 was also staying with them. The weather was good and we spent
lots of time on the beach and are all tanned. heather especially.
The
sea was very rough at times - 5 foot plus waves and H, wisely, decided not to
venture in but loved the sea and beach and paddling in a tidal pool and made
sand ‘parcels’ with Thora who was very good with her.
The
undertow along this coast is very powerful and I am apprehensive about swimming
- not to mention the sharks and being of a nervous nature (and wanting to keep both my legs) I stood in the shallows
and took photos with Ian’s new camera.
All the resorts along the South coast
have off-shore shark nets and while this may sound comforting I am not too sure
that the sharks pay much attention to them since the nets are staggered
and do not go from shore to shore or
surface to the seabed! In any case it’s almost impossible to swim because of
the breakers. Even in the shallows I could feel the sand being pulled from beneath
my feet and had difficulty standing.
It
is fun and very invigorating to go in waist deep and jump and swim through the
breakers but for me things usually go wrong and I lost my footing once and
found myself being pulled out to sea. I
fell trying to get back to firm ground and was then ‘scoured’ along the rough
seabed, with salt and sand up my nose. Quite frightening.
Thel’s
Mum had never been in the sea and considered doing it for several days before
being persuaded to give it a go. We spent a whole morning discussing what she
would wear and eventually she agreed to take off her skirt and top and wear
something loose of Thora’s and her bloomers.
With
Thel holding her arm on one side and Thora on the other she made her epic
journey. I trailed behind with the camera to get a photo of the occasion. About
10 yards out a wave nearly knocked her over and Thel and Thora had their work
cut out keeping her on her feet while they floundered and swallowed salt water.
I
was more concerned with not getting Ian’s camera wet because there would have
been hell to pay from him if I had. I don’t suppose I will be allowed to forget that I did not
come to their rescue. It caused such a laugh when they got back. Thel’s
Mum did not realise the danger she was in!
We
all (including Thel’s Mum) went on the trampoline. She’s a very game old lady.
Chris
was a pain throughout the whole holiday. He and Thel had fallen out and
he sulked a lot of the time and went out on his own most days and was thoroughly
uncommunicative when he returned but she didn’t let that spoil her holiday.
Didn’t
seem to make a difference to her happy mood. She and Thora are fun to be with and we had a lot of laughs. Went in a canoe and a pedallo on a small lake. First time for both. On the trampolines and bought a brass ashtray as a souvenir.
One
day Chris was away all day having gone to see Gary Player playing at a golf course in Durban.and came back very jovial and seeking attention from everyone but
it was all seemed an act to prove he could have a good time without us.
Shortly after our return the Truimph had to go in for repairs 'to its trunnions' so I told everyone who asked how I was that I had problems with my trunnions. It was annoying because the parts needed were not sold separately so we had to pay for the whole spare kit assembly.
Shortly after our return the Truimph had to go in for repairs 'to its trunnions' so I told everyone who asked how I was that I had problems with my trunnions. It was annoying because the parts needed were not sold separately so we had to pay for the whole spare kit assembly.
3
Mar 66
Traded
in the Triumph Herald this week. Spruced it up the night before and took Ian to work next
morning. On the way to the garage which was buying it, H was sick on the back seat! Whoosh - all her
breakfast came up - all over the leather seat and carpet. I was driving and lucky
not to get it down my back. Quite a job cleaning it up after and getting rid of
the smell before taking it to the dealer later at 10 am. Picked up our brand
new Austin 1100.
Fri
11 Mar 66
Ian
now insists I have the car every day, which is not necessary. I have to take him
to work and have orders to pick him up at 5.50, which is fine by me. However he never comes out
at 5.50 and keeps us waiting in the car sometimes until 7.30. Doesn’t even come out to
say he will be late! I get nervous waiting in the car in a deserted factory
area, not to mention the smell coming from the nearby abattoir, and it’s
difficult keeping H amused in the car for so long. This has happened every day
this week. We need a phone but he says one is not necessary. I think it is
because then he could phone me at home to say he will be late. I should just wait 15 minutes and return home but having him sulk for a day and a half after would get on my nerves.
Having
the car has given me a myriad of new tasks. Picking up things on the way home,
getting the car cleaned and serviced, running in to town to collect something
or other and trying to find parking which is a big problem.
Went
over to see Penny who bought our fridge when we were at Wildor Crest. Her husband is a toy supplier with a shop in JHB. She delighted in telling me how after a heavy rainstorm and flood in the area, the basement which he uses as a store flodded. He went down and found a few toys spoilt but most on shelves and were OK. Before claiming on his insurance he took the opportunity to take all the slow selling and redundant lines and throw them into the water only to discover later that he wasn't covered for flooding!
Every weekday see a small works near where Ian works
called ‘Max Weld and Braise’ which I thought was quite clever and
amusing.
Thel’s
church in Alberton is doing a play reading (Love in a Mist) and she has asked me to go
along to do the makeup something I know absolutely nothing about. I take comfort
from those who say it is all trial and error - but don’t believe it!
Sat
7 May 66
H’s
tonsils have been giving her trouble again. This has been going on for some
months now. She saw a specialist and is to have them out today. She is very
young for the operation.
Later:
Took
her in early today to the hospital in JHB and it broke my heart when she clung
to me screaming when they wanted to take her away. Ian disappeared so he did
not have to listen to her distress. Typical.
I could hear her crying all the way along the corridor - it was awful and being surrounded by strangers must have been terrible for her .
I could hear her crying all the way along the corridor - it was awful and being surrounded by strangers must have been terrible for her .
We
waited by the lift for her return. She was moaning like a wounded animal. Quietly, to herself, her eyes large and staring around in panic looking for me. Once she saw me
she didn’t take her eyes off me. I was in tears.
Once in her cot Ian disappeared again so I stayed with her till she slept and when she woke she scrambled in panic out of the cot and straight into my arms, wrapped hers arms round my neck and her legs round my waist and wouldn’t let go.
Once in her cot Ian disappeared again so I stayed with her till she slept and when she woke she scrambled in panic out of the cot and straight into my arms, wrapped hers arms round my neck and her legs round my waist and wouldn’t let go.
They
discharged her at 1pm and, still with her firmly attached to me, we drove home. Because she was tired I put
her straight to bed and stayed with her until she woke a
couple of hours later when she seemed much better and soon started to play normally.
Jacqui and Warner arrived a little later just as a child in another flat started to
scream. Jacqui was upset because she thought it was H and didn’t want to come in but
I pulled her inside to show her that H was playing quietly and happily and
talking ten to the dozen as though she hadn’t had her tonsils out that morning.
Big relief for J.
Sun
8 May 66
H
had a rough night and I slept in her room just to be there whenever she woke. Gave
her ice to suck and ice cream. She picked up well during the morning and now no
one would believe she had her tonsils and adenoids out yesterday. I shall keep
her in and sleep in her room for a few more days but she is eating well and now hardly complains of a sore throat.
Mon
9 May 66
H
had a good night and slept right through.
Thel, who has had a lot of experience with amateur dramatics, has been talking about the possibility of starting an amateur dramatic group in Alberton and has persuaded me to take part. It started off from the church play reading earlier in the year. The first play they are taking on is ‘Sailor Beware’ with Thel producing.
Thel, who has had a lot of experience with amateur dramatics, has been talking about the possibility of starting an amateur dramatic group in Alberton and has persuaded me to take part. It started off from the church play reading earlier in the year. The first play they are taking on is ‘Sailor Beware’ with Thel producing.
I have
been offered a leading part and Ian and Thora also in the play so it is a case
of studying the scripts at every spare moment. Rehearsals only once a week to
start but we are expected to know our words by next week. Some hope.
Mon
16 May 66
Pain
in side and am on pain killers. Doc thought it was a possible cracked rib. Had
an x-ray, no sign of a fracture so he has diagnosed Bjornhoms Disease! It’s a
virus infection of the diaphragm and the cure is to wait for it to go away.
Never heard of it before. Have to spend 1 week in bed with pain killers which gave me a nice woozy feeling as
though I have had a couple of drinks. Trying to sit up in bed, bending,
standing up and stretching are all very painful - like a knife in my ribs.
1
June 1966
Letter
to Dad:
I
am now concentrating on learning my lines for a play I am in. Also quite a
business.
A couple of weeks ago
I felt a pain in my side (waist high) almost as though I had cracked a rib.
Trotted off to see the doctor who put me on pain killers and a rubbing cream. After xray said it wasn’t Bjornhoms Disease or
a pulled a muscle and with regular hot water bottle treatments I should be
cured quickly. It is very painful, especially any exertion ie standing,
sitting, bending, stretching. If it is Bjornhoms Disease it is mildly
infectious. It started about 12 days ago and should be gone by tomorrow and if
not I have to see the doctor again. I feel a bit of a malingerer because apart
from the pain I feel perfectly fit.
Tue
12 Jul 66
H
is 3 today. Think
I cracked my rib by reaching back into the back of the car to stop H falling off the seat when Ian
braked. Have been telling Ian we must get a car seat for ages and he says yes
we’ll get one when he finds the time but he wants to be there when we choose
one. Still haven’t got a car seat. He always has his priorities wrong.
Doc said I couldn’t have the same pain killers because I enjoyed them too
much and might become addicted!
The
Xray also revealed that I had healed TB scars at some time. First I knew of it.
Perhaps it was pneumonia? I insisted that H and Ian were x-rayed to make sure I had not infected them.
Both clear.
I
have put 5 lbs on in weight lying in bed and now weigh 125 lbs. Think I am
getting flu.
Fri
15 Jul 66
3rd
day of flu and thought I was beginning to feel
a little better but still felt terrible when I had to visit Alberton
shopkeepers to ask them to display posters for the coming play for our drama
group. It was bitterly cold. My efforts resulted in 35 posters in shops and
180 tickets distributed for sale.
Pam
and Charles on a tour of Europe with her mother. They arrive in London on 21
July and are staying at the Hotel Craven in the Strand. They leave on 26 July
so it will be a short visit in the UK.
Thu
28 July 66 (31 Trafalgar Fountains, Princes Avenue, Benoni)
Moved
again today. It is brand new block of flats and is full of cement dust. Big
central communal grassed area surrounded by the flats so no access to the road.
Also means no need for burglar proofing on the rear windows. Our bedroom has a small wrought iron juliet balcony and double doors so we can leave the windows open at night. There
is no bath just a shower which H loves having each night. Open staircase
from the ground floor and one huge lounge/dining area downstairs, and of course the
kitchen. Dress rehearsal tomorrow.
7
August 1966 from 31 Trafalgar Gardens
Letter
to Dad:
Knew
you'd be interested to hear how the play 'Sailor Beware' went so here is a
cutting from the local newspaper. Can you recognise me from the picture? I
thought you would be pleased at our success.
My 12 September 66
H
recovering from Measles. She started showing signs on Saturday, the day Verwoerd was
buried. The banks were closed at ten and the shops at 11.30 and by the time the
doctor arrived it was well past 12. (He wasn’t sure if it was Measles or German
Measles. Some doctor!) Don’t know anyone in the flats to ask a favour and didn’t
have any money at home in any case. Ran out quickly to phone Ian to tell him a prescription was
needed to be filled as well as find a chemist. Of course he couldn’t possibly get away
from work. As he had the car and wouldn’t come home. Worried terribly as she got worse. I couldn't cash a cheque to pay for the medicine
because the banks were all closed. Fortunately Dad's birthday card to me, with postal orders in it, arrived in that
morning's post so when the emergency chemist opened at six I went along to them
with the P.O.'s and was able to get the medicine. Within an hour of taking the first dose she was feeling better. Ian arrived home at 8.
Letter to Dad: So perhaps our lucky star was shining because within an hour of Heather taking her medicine she was feeling tons better and today, Monday, she is back to normal, full of mischief and well covered in spots. What a business it is getting medicine down her. Did you have any trouble that way with me?
Letter to Dad: So perhaps our lucky star was shining because within an hour of Heather taking her medicine she was feeling tons better and today, Monday, she is back to normal, full of mischief and well covered in spots. What a business it is getting medicine down her. Did you have any trouble that way with me?
Thu
3 Nov 66
Thel
and Chris have broken up and are living apart and it looks like divorce. SA is
a great place for relationships. Highest divorce rate in the world. Chris went
a little bananas again and after not speaking to Thel for 3 weeks she decided
that she’d had enough and it was time for her and Thora to go.
She didn’t want
Chris to know she was going because he would make trouble and she found a flat and
arranged for half of the furniture to be moved out during the morning while
Chris was at work. Chris has been a problem for some years now so it is not
surprising it has ended. He has really messed Thel around over the years.
I
went round to visit him when he was ill in bed and he said that as far as
problems in the marriage were concerned he was (with eyes raised to the
ceiling) ‘a lily-white angel’! Thel and I had a good laugh over that.
Definitely
returning to the UK within the next year. Thelma and Thora are also going back.
Ian has decided that H and I should go first and find somewhere to live and he
will join us in a couple of months. We hope to travel in April or May 67. We
have often spoken about leaving SA and have also considered going to New
Zealand which Jacqui speaks so highly of but Ian feels he is more likely to
find a job which suits him in the City.
We
pay £37 10s a month for this flat. We shall take with us curtains, china,
cutlery and kitchen utensils. Ian has promised send me £100 on the 1st of every
month once I reach the UK.
His
company has just taken delivery of a computer and that occupies his waking hours. We hardly have any life
together. He is rarely home before 8 or 9 and frequently leaves work with his
boss and goes to his club or a bar for a drink. He says it is expected of him.
By the time he gets home he is ‘jolly’ or worse, has supper and then goes
straight to bed. I might just as well be on my own. There is a message here
somewhere.
Not having family here is a disadvantage. Heather will never
get to know her grandparents. This country means nothing to me. It has taken me
15 years to realise how important it is to feel at home where you live.
I
should hate for H to grow up with a loyalty to SA while my loyalties lie with
Britain. Something is going to happen here sometime and if H grows up here she
will be thoroughly South African. How could I leave her to face such a problem alone.
Going back means doing without a lot of things but I feel it is well worth the
sacrifice of good weather and servants.
The
weather was so hot in the car today that I burn my legs on the seat every time
I got back in after leaving the car in the sun. Must remember to put a blanket
on the seat and over the steering wheel.
Thu
17 Nov 66
Chris
and Thel are now divorced and we are to fly back home together.
Thel
was about to have her solicitor start divorce proceedings when Chris saw a
psychiatrist and who phoned Thel and asked her not go ahead with the divorce
for 6 months until Chris’s treatment ended because he thought it would set
Chris back. She agreed and 2 weeks later received a letter from Chris’s
solicitor saying he was starting divorce proceedings. Some people can be so
devious.
When
the case was heard he pleaded with the judge not to order him to pay a lot of
maintenance because he was broke. Afterwards the decree was granted he asked
Thel out for coffee to show there were no ill feelings and pulled out a big wad
of notes to show her, laughing and saying how cleverly he had fooled the judge!
By
next April we hope to have saved the fares for H and me. We will organise
somewhere to live, sell our furniture and get a crate shipped over. Ian has said he will sell the furniture
when I have gone and will then sell the car. I’d rather he would let me do it
because he is sure to mess things up.
This
move back has been a big decision to make and we have been thinking and talking
about it for ages but we feel it is the right move at the right time.
Charles
v d W says he doesn’t think Ian wants to go back but is only going because I
want to. Said he could see Ian has some doubts. If he has he has never said
anything to me and I have asked him several times if he is sure this is what he
wants. Later when we were alone I again asked him if he had any doubts because
it was a decision we had to make together and it was a time for honesty. He
said he had no doubts about returning and was looking forward to going home.
We
only plan to stay with my Dad for a very short while. But what a lot there is to
think about: once we get there - buying furniture, raincoats, overcoats, boots, electric blankets -
all quite an expense.
I
have frequently done my own housework over here so the thought of managing without servants is not too
terrible.
Margaret
lives at Tonbridge with her new husband, Peter and they have asked us to stay
with them for a few days.
14
December 1966
Letter
to Dad:
I
am sitting outside Ian's company, in the car park, just waiting for him to
leave work so thought I would take advantage of a spare few minutes to write to
you.
Did
I write to tell you I have been voted onto the committee of our drama group?
Unfortunately Thelma and I will not be able to help with the next play as we
will have too much to do preparing for leaving SA.
Many
thanks for the Winnie the Pooh books for Heather. I love them - never mind
Heather who hasn't stopped asking me to read them to her.
Sun
25 Dec 66
We
woke early and brought H into bed with us and piled her presents up around her.
She picked up each package and examined it carefully before opening just one
present at a time, which she played with. No thought for the others - she was quite
satisfied with just the one present.
We
had to persuade her to open another and the same thing happened.
Thought she would just rip them all open the way most children do. Eventually
got to her paddling pool which, when the sun was on the yard, we inflated and
filled with water. She loved it and stripped off immediately and started
splashing around in it. As well as several other presents we gave her a couple
of records with stories on them. She’s always asking us to tell her stories.
Tue
27 Dec 66
What
a nuisance Christmas is when you are saving for something important. We only
put on a show for H. Still it was worth it just to see her face as she opened
her presents. It’s wonderful to think we shall spend our next Christmas at home.
Thelma,
Thora and Thel’s Mum came over for Christmas Day and we all had a lovely time.
On Boxing Day we went to a party with them. Thel, Thora and I had arranged a
cabaret. Thel and I did a sketch called ‘The Spirit of Christmas’ which we wrote
together. Two women, one rich and one poor, each in their own homes, discuss
the way they look at Christmas. With suitable breaks in dialogue we had them
ending each others sentences in an amusing way.
Then
Thora did a mock Strip tease - down to a 2nd bikini - the ladies didn’t know
where to look when it seemed that Thora was about to strip off completely and
suddenly started looking around for a place to put their drink to avoid looking
at what they thought was about to happen.
Then
it was my turn wearing Thel's Mum's bloomers with one of my front teeth blacked out which looked great when I smiled! I wore Thel’s Mum’s stays, thick stockings, an old fashioned loose
dress, mantilla, fan and put a rose in my mouth. It all went down very well.
New
Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day:
Thel,
Thora and her Mum, came over and we had a party which ended late and as usual
we put on God Save the Queen loudly. Also danced for much of the evening.
1967
16
January 1967
Letter
to Dad:
I
have spent my morning writing letters overseas for the drama group I belong to.
We are having a little difficulty getting hold of scripts of plays we want to
produce so decided to deal directly with the distributor if possible.
Thelma's daughter, Thora, qualified as a hairdresser in December and at
present taking beauticians classes and a Clairol hair colouring course. We have
all persuaded her to spend the time from now until she leaves South Africa in
April, studying various courses. She will never do it once she is working in a
salon overseas and they can only be an advantage in the long run.
She loves the books which you sent her for Christmas and, come to that,
so do I. I think the illustrations are great in the Ladybird books. I have
never come across a child so eager to be read to and I could spend all day and
night reading to her and she would still want more.The blow up swimming pool is six feet across and a couple of weeks ago Ian decided that he would lie in it. He and Heather had a lovely time and she splashed him to her heart's content and he just lay there with his head propped up on the side. That evening he regretted it because he had not realised that the sun was so strong and he looked like a lobster. Sunburn through water is even worse than ordinary sunburn.
Wed 18 Jan 67
H
loves books and being read to. Her favourite is the Three Little Pigs.
Sometimes in the morning, after Ian has left, she will climb into bed with me
and while I pretend I am asleep she will tell the story making all the
appropriate sounds. ‘I’ll huff and I’ll puff and blow your house down.’ She has
made a lot of friends at the flats here and first thing in the morning she is
up and dressed. Brings me a brush to do her hair and after breakfast is out to
play with them. The it is off with her socks and shoes first which I always
find lying outside the door - she hates
wearing them. Sometimes she brings her friends back for a paddle in her pool.
Undated
Feb 67
Party
for drama group.
Recollection: After the play was
over we had a party at our new flat at Benoni. I wrote a short play Staged ‘To Trail a Mink’ which got a
few laughs. It was a very good evening but we had to disturb two of the young
ones (one being a young lady we were chaperoning) who had disappeared under the coats on
one of the beds and were trying to get up to the usual nonsense!
I made risotto but it only just went round.
I made risotto but it only just went round.
Wed
8 Feb 67
In
a month I shall start packing. Things are getting close now. I have so many
things to arrange. Passports, vaccinations, selling the furniture (now my
task), arranging accommodation for when we move out of this flat. There aren’t
many residential hotels around. I am arranging for the stuff we are taking to
be packed professionally. I have also to book tickets and sell the car.
Letter to Dad:
On
top of all this our drama group is in a sticky position and I don't feel I can
resign at present. They have very few people with any experience. Thelma had
the most experience at amateur dramatics
than any of us but is unable to help this time and what I know, which is little
enough and could be put on the back of a postage stamp appears to the others to be enough
to fill a book.
Our
Chairman is a regular old slow coach and I have to remind him that we have to
make a decision. I've now been put onto the casting committee and our Secretary
is on honeymoon so I am doing her work as well. I've written a newsletter which
I have sent out to 470 families in the area. I am also arranging to receive
script copies. They wanted me to take over as producer but that, as far as I
was concerned, going a little too far.
Apart
from being busy I felt it would not fair to choose a play, cast it, start
producing it and then leave someone else with the job of taking over with my
ideas well entrenched in the cast. The drama group crowd are good friends but
the work always falls on the same shoulders, which often turn out to be mine, and
right at this moment I have enough on my mind.
Unfortunately
because Ian feels that it would not be a good idea to tell his company until a
month or so before we go that he will be giving in his notice later in the year, we
have been unable to tell most folk including the drama group, that we shall be
leaving. Consequently we have the problem of who to tell and even worse,
remembering who we have told what - if you follow me. As Thelma says when you
tell a lie you have to have a good memory. We discovered that two people we
didn't think knew each other have different versions of the story. Thelma is in
a similar position because she doesn't want Chris to know when she is leaving
as he has turned very difficult to deal with (even worse than he was). Her friends
are my friends and she doesn't want her firm to know she is leaving either and
we know quite a few people who work there, personally.
Fri
17 Feb 67
The
drought has broken at last and now we are inundated with rain so I suppose the
farmers will be going back into the churches to pray for the rain to stop.
There are reports of flooding everywhere.
H
and I went for our vaccinations yesterday. She screamed so loudly that all the
nurses came rushing in to see what was wrong. The tonsil business has put her
off doctors. Can’t say I blame her. They vaccinate by scratching the arm but
use a hypodermic needle to do it - frightened the life out of her. How are we
going to get her to have a yellow fever injection? Heather goes on my passport.
Thu
23 Mar 67
We
are booked on Air France. H has had a very short haircut - her first since she
was 6 months old. The short style suits her and makes
it much easier to look after but I kept the hank which was cut off.
Letter
to Dad:
Thanks
so much for the books which you sent Heather. She was thrilled to receive a
parcel, all for herself, and couldn't stop talking about the books her Grandpa
had sent her. So far she has about fourteen books which you have sent and they
keep her amused for ages. I am very keen for her to learn to read early and we
have always encouraged her to look at books and she looks after them too and
never draws on them although I must say they are well fingered. But as I said
if she gets to the age of ten and her books are in mint condition it will mean
she has never looked at them much. I'd rather see a few finger marks than none
at all. We buy her 'Teddy Bear' comic every week which Daddy reads to her.
Fri
31 Mar 67
We
are booked on UTA flight1306 leaving JHB 8.10pm on June 2, arriving Paris at
8.40 am. Thel and I hope to catch the Paris/London flight connection leaving at
7.10pm and arriving at Heathrow at 8.10pm.
Our
flat is looking pretty bare with most of the furniture gone. We are trying to
get into a residential hotel for May but it looks pretty hopeless at present.
Because we do not have a phone now I have to leave finding somewhere to Ian but I don’t
think he is trying very hard. He keeps saying he doesn't have time and will do
it tomorrow. The cost will be about £47 10s a month for the 3 of us.
Thel
has said she is taking her car with her - or at least it will travel with Thora
on the Edinburgh Castle leaving on May 24th
- as will our crate. Thora has a hairdressing job promised her in
Falmouth subject to a personal interview.
Tue
11 Apr 67
Wrote
to British Consulate, JHB to have H’s birth registered.
Tue
2 May 67
Received
a telegram to say that Ian’s father died yesterday. Ian has decided that H and
I should bring our flight date forward to be with his mother for the
funeral. I feel sure she would want him there rather than me but he says he cannot get away
from work! Surprise, surprise! It’s all going to be a bit of
a rush because there’s still lots to do. I haven’t finished packing up the
stuff we are to send over.
Thu
4 May 67
Have
cash permit to take money out of country.
Fri
5 May 67
All
the way to the airport Ian kept singing ‘For
all we know we may never meet again’. Made me nervous in case the plane
crashed. Had no tears on parting from him and H was just interested in
everything new around her and excited about flying. Now waiting to board.
Sat
6 May 67 Diary
Arrived
home. Heather was very good throughout the whole journey. Just as we came in to
land in the Congo she wanted to go to the loo but had to hold on. We had landed to
refuel and the passengers were allowed into the restaurant. By this time Heather
really needed the loo and just as she was about to sit down a huge cockroach about 3 inches long ran across the seat! That was it - she didn’t want to know. I asked a man who
was helping his wife change their baby to see if he could kill it and he chased
it all round the toilet trying to hit it with the heel of his shoe but it was
much too fast for him. Eventually I managed to persuade her to go but had to
hold her out over the loo.
Back
in the restaurant all the women had put their handbags on the floor until I
pointed out it was covered with cockroaches!
On
arrival in the UK Dad and Barney were there with a car and took us down to
Ramsgate, Kent. It’s quite clear that Ian’s mother doesn’t want us here -
naturally she wants her son - very difficult because we hardly know each other.
Had to try and keep Heather quiet so read to her and played games much of the
time. She doesn’t have a television which would at least have amused Heather and kept
her quiet.
Sun
7 May 67 Diary
Mum
insists I accompany her to the funeral tomorrow but I don’t want Heather to go
or to leave her with strangers either. So much has happened that
it is really too much for her to take in and I’m not sure how she will take
being separated from me. Very worrying.
Mon
8 May 67 Diary
Curtains
had to be closed all day for the funeral. In the end, after explaining the
situation to Heather, she agreed to stay with the next door neighbour which was
not ideal but she seems a motherly person and is very good with her. Heather went
in early in the morning and had settled reasonably well when it was time to
leave. Felt like an intruder at the funeral.
Thu
25 May 67 Diary
Visited
Margaret (who works for a Tonbridge newspaper) and her husband Peter in Tonbridge for a
week. They are renting a lovely 16th century cottage, and after returning to London returned to Tonbridge to find somewhere to
live. It’s a very nice area and close to the countryside.
Margaret
took me to an estate agents in Tonbridge and found they had a furnished house to rent
in Dry Hill Park Road. I‘ve had to sign a 6 month lease which stipulates that
the rent must be paid on the 1st of the month which is a bit awkward because
that will mean Ian will have to send money early. Lapses could mean we are
given immediate notice. The estate agents are pretty good. Told them at 11.30
that I would take it and they had the lease ready to sign by lunchtime. Will
return at end of month and move in.
1
Jun 67 Diary
Have
now moved in to house in Tonbridge. Furniture is ratty but the house is clean
and it has a nice garden. Ian promised to send money over to cover expenses and
has promised £100 will arrive before the end of every month.
Lay
in bed last night wondering why it felt so differentl back here - then realised I did
not feel afraid any more. No bars on the windows and I can sleep with them
open.
The
TV is so old it cannot hold the picture still for long - horizontal hold -
picture is very poor even when it is not spinning round. Heather is fascinated
by it.
The
vacuum cleaner is also very old and heavy and hardly cleans at all so I have to
go round the house with a dustpan and brush. Coal fire in front room heats the
water and very old radiators in some rooms.
Sun
3 Jun 67 Diary
Shopping
over at the nearby local shop is expensive. Very old fashioned place where you
have to wait to be served with sacks of various foods, and butter still needing to be weighed out. All so very old fashioned English.
Out for a long walk this afternoon passing hop fields on the way. It was wonderful, feeling free to walk about the countryside without danger. Heather and I just wander where we will without any plans as to where we are going, getting lost and returning when it suits. We bring home a leaf or a flower and then try to identify it.
Out for a long walk this afternoon passing hop fields on the way. It was wonderful, feeling free to walk about the countryside without danger. Heather and I just wander where we will without any plans as to where we are going, getting lost and returning when it suits. We bring home a leaf or a flower and then try to identify it.
Sun
11 Jun 67 Diary
Margaret
for afternoon tea. She asked me whether I thought she should continue trying to
get custody for her two girls in SA. Thought very carefully before telling her
I didn’t think the SA courts were sympathetic towards women in divorce and
custody cases and that I didn’t believe she would ever get custody. Even with
Peter’s support it is unlikely especially since she now lives in the UK and legal costs will be high. It was
difficult to say what was on my mind but felt she had no one else to ask so had to say what I thought. Asked
her if they planned to have any children. She said yes. Suggested that perhaps now
that she had a new life here and a new husband she should stop trying to gain
custody, which was costing them so much, and concentrate on keeping in touch
with the girls as much as possible. It’s a hard decision to make, I know but at least she is allowed to write to them.
12
Jun 67 Diary
Have
made friends with the people next door. Their eldest daughter, Jane, is about Heather’s
age so they make good companions.
Mon
19 Jun 67 Diary
Have
Ian’s Mum down for a few days. We met
her at station. She lives in a bungalow and is frightened of coming down the
stairs at the house because they seem so steep to her. She also doesn’t like the glass pane which has replaced the
rails beneath the bannister. She calls to me when she wants to come down and I
go up to stand in front of her while she comes down one step at a time on her
bottom.
Heather and Grandma McPherson
27
Jun 67 Diary
Jane
came over to play and the pair went upstairs to play in Heather’s room. A
little later I heard shrieks of laughter and went upstairs - they were in the
bathroom. They had filled the bath almost to the brim and were scooping the
water up in their hands and throwing it up onto the ceiling screaming ‘Whee - Look - its raining.’ Little devils. The water
was dripping off the ceiling, running down the walls and the curtain and carpet were saturated. The
bathroom at the best of times is very damp - now its soaking and squelches when
I walk on the carpet.
30
Jun 67 Diary
Thelma
arrived in UK. Stayed one night with us and then went down to Cornwall. Margaret lent me a single bed for her. Thell had spent one night in Paris which was what we originally planned to do together.
She told me she left the hotel after breakfast to walk along the Seine when a well dressed man came up to her and asked if he could show her around Paris. She was not at all sure but the streets were busy and there were a few gendarmes about so, keeping a tight hand on her handbag, they walked together chatting to the nearest bridge over the Seine where he leant forward and kissed her on the cheek saying 'Every woman, on her first visit to Paris, deserves to be kissed on the cheek on a bridge over the Seine.' Then he turned away and walked off. How very romantic and something almost unbelievable and if it hadn't been Thell telling me I would have thought it was made up.
1 July 67
She told me she left the hotel after breakfast to walk along the Seine when a well dressed man came up to her and asked if he could show her around Paris. She was not at all sure but the streets were busy and there were a few gendarmes about so, keeping a tight hand on her handbag, they walked together chatting to the nearest bridge over the Seine where he leant forward and kissed her on the cheek saying 'Every woman, on her first visit to Paris, deserves to be kissed on the cheek on a bridge over the Seine.' Then he turned away and walked off. How very romantic and something almost unbelievable and if it hadn't been Thell telling me I would have thought it was made up.
1 July 67
Heather
loves running about in the garden, which is not overlooked, with no clothes on. Weather hot and sunny. We
go for lovely long walks and find all sorts of treasures to bring home. It is
good to be back.
Because Bern has no leave left I have offered to take Sean when Maureen has her baby.
Because Bern has no leave left I have offered to take Sean when Maureen has her baby.
Mon
3 Jul 67 Diary
Still
no money. Phoned Ian who said he will put cash in post today. Heather talked to
him but so far as I can see does not miss him at all.
Tue
4 Jul 67 Diary
Have
won £25 shopping voucher in a competition! Will spend it at the supermarket in
town and it should last us for 6 or 7 weeks.
Went
in to Tonbridge to spend some of the £25 on groceries.
Fri
7 Jul 67 Diary
Maureen
had another boy, Andrew. Letter with cheque from Ian. Takes a week or so to
clear. Dad down last weekend. Caught him teasing Heather and told him I didn’t
want her teased. Every time she tried to pass him when she was playing he would
stop her even when she asked nicely. He said she needed to learn to be teased.
I told him - not by an adult and if it happened again I would be taking her
side. Think he got the message.
Sat
8 Jul 67 Diary
Bern
brought Sean down. Have put the spare bed in my bedroom and Heather will sleep
with me.
Sun
9 Jul 67 Diary
Sean
misses his Mum. Woke last night crying - icy cold - having wet the bed. Got him
to change his pyjamas and took him into to bed with us. Frozen little mite.
Needed a good cuddle and soon warmed up.
Mon
10 Jul 67 Diary
Sean
settling down a bit better. He and Heather play well - they only 3 weeks apart
in age. Weather is wonderful.
Wed
12 Jul 67 Diary
Dad
bought Heather a garden swing for her birthday.
14
Jun 67 Diary
Thora
has arrived having made the trip by boat. She is staying with us for a couple
of days and then joins Thelma in Falmouth. We are taking her into London
tomorrow to see the sights.
15
Jun 67 Diary
Took
Thora up to London, walked through St James Park and showed her Westminster
Abbey, St Pauls, Buckingham Palace and the Tower. The last three were ‘drive
past’ because it rained for much of the day.
Mon
24 Jul 67 Diary
Thelma
drove up with Len, an old boyfriend from her youth, and they brought us down to
Falmouth for a week to stay with her and Thora.
Mon
31 Jul 67 Diary
Returned
from Thel’s in Falmouth. Good holiday.
Sun
6 Aug 67 Diary
Out
all pm for walk.
Fri
11 Aug 67 Diary
We
walked almost into Tonbridge and back.
12
August 1967 Diary
Ian
arrived Heathrow. We (Dad and Bern) picked him up by car and returned home for
lunch.
17
Oct 67 Diary
Went
into Tonbridge with Heather. As we walked down the road to catch the bus she started kicking up the dry fallen leaves. I bent down to tell
her to stop because it would dirty her socks and smelt the leaves and was taken back to when I was as small as she is now, and remembered I used to do exactly the same thing. The memories came flooding back of when
I was her age and a little older when in Reading, and I did the same. A very nostalgic moment, so decided to let her
go on doing it and said nothing. The socks will wash. Perhaps one day the same thing will happen
to her with her children and she will remember the smell of the dry leaves.
Tonbridge Castle
Chris in 1967
27 Nov 67
Some time ago Ian found a job
in computers with the publishers of Penthouse and Forum magazines. Ever since he started working there he has
come home late every evening (after 9) and goes in every Saturday morning, which is not a
working day for anyone else who works there. I expected him to spend extra time
learning the job but this is ridiculous. It’s no different from the way things
were in SA. Regardless of the time he
gets home in the evening he always goes upstairs first and, if Heather is asleep, wakes her, reads her a
bedtime story bur she is never satisfied with one story and he often stays up there for an hour or more while I try to keep his dinner warm
and unspoilt. Then he comes down and complains about his dried up dinner. He’s
getting to be like his Dad.
Tue 28 November 67
Ian’s
Mum down for a few days. She went into Tonbridge with Ian and Heather on the bus and after
they returned took me to one side and remarked on Hs bad behaviour when she is with her father. Apparently when they arrived in Tonbridge H had a tantrum at the bus-stop because he
wouldn’t buy her an ice cream. Mum said he had no idea how to deal with it and had no control over her, unlike me. Fortunately I have never seen her behave like that.
Sat
16 Dec 67
Dad
down.
Sat
23 Dec 67
Dad
down for Christmas.
1968
Fri
9 Feb 68
Ian
wants to buy a house. Not so sure it is a good idea. Looking at houses this
weekend with him and Dad who has offered to loan us the deposit. Saw some
really ratty houses. It’s a very big commitment and has made me think about our
marriage. I find life with him very frustrating. I felt so free before he joined us in
August because he can be so very overbearing.
H starts school soon and I said I would
like to get a morning job because I need to get out and meet other people but
never get a chance. He is very much against this, something to do with his
pride, I think, and he sulked for two days afterwards. Wouldn’t speak to me and
just ignored me when I spoke to him. Slept in the spare room. not that that is a
problem - our bed has only been used for sleeping in for a couple of years now.
He’s always too tired for anything else. He shows me little affection and is
always too tired to do anything even at weekends and falls asleep after dinner
every evening. I’m surprised he had the energy to go round viewing houses. He
wants me to be an old fashioned company wife - something I am most definitely
not.
Sun
17 Mar 68
We
just haven’t been getting on since Ian joined us back here. We seem to have
nothing in common anymore apart from which he wants to control everything I do
when we are together. Just like his father controlled his Mum.
I
told him this evening that we had problems in our marriage which we had to deal
with before we considered buying a house. He admitted that things were not
right between us and said the reason was that he hates living in England and
wants to go back to SA. Said he had wanted to go back the day he arrived and
that is what he is aiming for. I told
him there is no way I would ever return to live there but he has made his mind
up and seems to think I have no say in the matter. I’ve moved on from those
days.
He
doesn’t listen or consider my feelings about this and will not give way to any
suggestions I make. I could never go back to live with that fear again not to mention the fears I have of something
happening to H back there. I feel so safe here and know this is a far better
place to raise her. It’s very frustrating and I feel as though I am banging my
head against a wall.
Mon
18 Mar 68
We
had a long talk which lasted well into the middle of the night. I told him I
had not been happy the way things had been between us for a couple of years and
had hoped that things would improve once we were back here. We no longer had
intimate relations and I felt he was giving too little attention to his
marriage and that unless he was prepared to do something to change things I
couldn’t see us binding our marriage together because that was an essential
part of marriage.
Additionally we no
longer had any time together to talk over problems because of the hours he
keeps and has been keeping for several years. He leaves for work early every
morning and returns late in the evening,
reads to Heather, eats his dinner and then goes to bed leaving no time to talk
over problems or show affection. Once in bed he is unwilling to talk and falls
asleep almost immediately - sometimes in mid sentence. Additonally he wants to
return to SA and I don’t.
He
agreed that things had not been right between us for several years but that
if I agreed to return to SA with him
things would be different. I wasn’t happy with that suggestion because I felt
that if the marriage was on the rocks I had a far better chance of supporting
myself here than in SA. I would be back to being dependant on him if we
returned there. I am far happier here and would never agree to move
back. If our marriage isn’t working now, a move back to SA is not going to help it.
He
thought for a bit and then said the only alternative was for us to separate. I
think he believed that this would make me agree to return to SA. I agreed to
separate but said we should try to do it in a friendly manner. Must say it is a
relief but I wonder how H will take it.
He is leaving me to divide our
goods equally and then we will go our separate ways. He has promised he will
never see us go without and in need, which gives me some comfort! On reflection
I think this has been coming on for several years - he has been very
neglectful.
I told him that if H asked I would never blame him for the break-up because I felt it
would not be good for her to be torn two ways and he said he would do the same.
If our marriage failed it was because both of us were at fault. He agreed.
Sat
23 Mar 68
Dad
down for weekend. Told him of our decision. He is very much against it but Ian
said he had seen this coming for a couple of years. Dad loaned me £100 to see
me over my first few weeks in Cornwall. Ian said he would send him a cheque at
the end of the month to repay him.
Thu
25 Apr 68
Everything
packed and ready. One lot for Ian and
one for H and me. Ian seems quite content with what has been decided. I had hoped we could have found a way to
repair things but he seems unwilling to discuss the matter further.
Sat
27 Apr 1968
Visited
J & W at Hemel Hempstead yesterday. When they heard we were separating they
suggested that Ian moves in with them later in the month. On way back I had the
worst migraine ever. My eyes wouldn’t focus and I felt sick. The lights of cars
coming towards us really caused me a lot of pain even with my eyes closed and
sun glasses on. The weather was terrible. It was pelting down with rain and the
lights were reflected off the raindrops on the windscreen. The car’s side
windows steamed up. I felt cold and
thoroughly miserable. H meanwhile slept all the way home on the back seat.
Half
way home Ian said he had changed his mind about us separating and that we
should forget the idea. Then he just talked and talked and talked and I just
wanted him to stop because I couldn’t concentrate. He suggested H & I
should go down to Penryn on holiday for a month and then we could continue as
normal and perhaps in a couple of months I might feel differently about
returning to SA.
I just wanted to be left alone, feeling very ill so didn’t
want to talk or think. Told I was feeling too ill to think about anything but
he continued to talk about it for the rest of the journey and then pursued me
further in bed (first time in 3 years) and in the end to get some peace I gave
in and said OK. I would have said anything to be left alone. Agreed to leave my
share of the household goods behind.
Woke this morning with a clear head and
already regretting going back on our decision to separate. I know I should not
have agreed last night but he wore me down when I was feeling so ill.
Sun
28 Apr 68
Ian
drove us down to Cornwall yesterday. Another bad migraine started when we were
half way down so reached Thel’s in Penryn feeling and looking like death warmed
up. Straight to bed with H at the B & B round the corner from her
shop. Ian slept on Thel’s put-u-up bed
and left early this morning. Did not see him before he left.
Told
Thel what had happened and she made no comment apart from saying she thought I
would go back to him. I knew this is the last thing I wanted so phoned him this evening to tell him I
wouldn‘t be coming back. He wasn’t happy about my change of mind and was quite
unpleasant and tried to persuade me otherwise by shouting but my mind is made up. He said I
had been influenced by T but she has been busy working all day and I have
hardly spoken to her since we arrived.
Mon
29 Apr 68
Ian
phoned this evening spoke to H and then to me to see if I had changed my mind.
Hung up on me when I said no.
Tue
30 Apr 68
Long
walk with H. Down to main road and up the other side, up a hill, then along and
down and back. Haven’t a clue where we were but we enjoyed just wandering with
no rush.
Sat
4 May 68
Through
a local paper have found a furnished upstairs flat in Truro. (The Terrace, Malpas
Rd) The man who answered the voice had a dark brown voice but his appearance
did not match the voice. The flat is
clean. 1 bed, lounge, kitchen and shared bathroom. Clean old furniture but not
too worn. Move in next week. Roomy but not warm and inviting - not at all like
home. Bathroom is huge and felt very cold and we share it with the owners who
live downstairs but I clean it. Not exactly what I wanted but beggars can’t be
choosers. There was very little else in the paper. It will have to do for now. Not
to far from town and schools.
Thu
16 May 68
Interview
for job with Min. of Ag. in Agar Road.
Fri
17 May 68
Have
been offered a temp job (6 weeks) with MAFF as clerical assistant. A Mr Page
interviewed me. Showed me to his room, took out his pocket watch, propped it up on the table and said he couldn’t spare me more than 10 minutes.
Amongst his other questions was how I was going to manage to do the job if H became
ill. Was I going to take time off to look after her. I wonder that myself but
managed to convince him I would manage OK.
Have
found a play school in Agar Rd for H
until she starts school in Sep. (St Pauls C of E School, Tregolls Rd, Truro)
Found someone in Agar Road who will take H after school is closed. A T said she had a daughter the same age who is going to the same play school and
will be going to the same school as H.
Ian has told H that he will be down tomorrow early pm and that he will
bring my boxes with him.
Sat
18 May 68
H
wanted to walk up and down the road waiting for him to arrive so we walked along
The Terrace and up to Trafalgar Garage and back and them up Tregolls Rd a
little way for over an hour looking out for him. He didn’t turn up and he didn’t
phone to explain. H was very disappointed and upset. Took her for a walk to
Boscawen Park to try and get her mind off it.
Mon
20 May 68
Started
work at Min of Ag. Pay: £12 14s 6d a week. Work very easy. Friendly people.
Checking and sorting lime subsidy forms.
Apr
68
Put
a tinned syrup pudding (H’s favourite) on to boil and closed my eyes in the
lounge because I had another bad headache and dozed off. Woken by a terrific
bang. It was so loud the couple from
downstairs (the owners) came running upstairs thinking the TV had exploded - instead it was the tinned pudding which had boiled dry. The tin had exploded
and plastered the contents all over the ceiling and was dripping off the
plate rack and grids of the gas stove. What a mess - took me ages to clean up.
Have bought a fridge and a spin drier on HP which will be delivered next week.
Mon
3 Jun 68
Ian
wrote to say he would be down last Saturday but did not arrive as he had arranged.
This is the second time he has let H down. She was at the gate on the
lookout for him from mid morning until late afternoon and was very
disappointed.
Today
he arrived unexpectedly while I was at work. He first went round to A’s to
pick H up but she didn't know him and wouldn’t to let her go with him. Said
H had been placed in her care by me and that she needed my permission to
let him take her. He was extremely annoyed and rude to her. She then rang me
and told me he had called for H and she had refused to let him have her.
Short time
later he arrived at my place of work and started making a big fuss in front of
everyone, in the front hall. Speaking loudly and angrily, demanding that I phone A to tell her to let him take H out for the
day. Wrote a note for him to take round to A‘s. He said he had not brought
anything of mine down with him (which he had promised to do.)
This
evening we talked and I told him it was unfair of him to expect H to be
able to understand why he made a promise
to turn up and then broke it, and that it distressed her greatly when he did so
and upset her for days after. He agreed he would always contact us in future if
he could not make it. I told him he was welcome to come down to see her
whenever it suited him as long as he warned me in advance because sometimes we
made arrangements over the weekend.
Sat
15 Jun 68
Have
made friends at work with P M. Very friendly. So is my boss, F W. In fact everyone is. So different from working in SA. Determined not
to be ruled by that bugbear ‘laundry’ and bought a spinner to help. What a
blessing. Also have a fridge now.
Have
now moved to a furnished ground floor flat at ?? Tregolls Rd. Two large rooms,
front and back (which is a bedroom with French doors to the garden), toilet,
small room next to the kitchen on ground
floor and bedroom and bathroom on first floor reached by narrow stairs. The
front room is reached via the hall which is shared with the people upstairs so
do not think we shall use that.
H and I will sleep in the big downstairs
bedroom. There is a phone still connected which has not been disconnected by
the previous tenants but don’t expect it to last for long because I can’t
afford it. Huge front garden - which I am supposed to look after - how on earth
will I manage it?
Tue
18 Jun 68
I. phoned me at work to say he would come down this weekend to take H on holiday
to stay with his mother at Ramsgate for a week. Didn’t ask if we had anything
planned or if it was OK. I wasn’t prepared to argue.
22
Jun 68
I. arrived and took H back with him to stay with his mother in Ramsgate.
Have
very strange neighbours upstairs. He works at MAFF and lives with his
cousin, an elderly lady. She has recently (a couple of times) complained to
him that H is making too much noise in the upstairs bedroom where she plays. He then takes me
to one side at work and tells me off about it as though I am a child. I asked
him what sort of noise it was because H does not play noisily and usually only
goes in there to collect her toys. He said it was every time anyone walks
across the floor in the bedroom! For heavens sake, she is not a noisy child and it is probably me walking across the uncarpetted floor to get to the wardrobe.
30
Jun 68
I. brought H back. I missed her a lot. She had a good time. They visited Hambley’s
where he bought her several toys. They also visited Trafalgar Square where she
fed the pigeons. Also brought back a hat from Ramsgate which her Gran had bought her.
H was full of all they had done. I am so pleased he found the time to give them a week together. Said he would take her for another week later in the year. Perhaps at Christmas.
H was full of all they had done. I am so pleased he found the time to give them a week together. Said he would take her for another week later in the year. Perhaps at Christmas.
Asked
him if he could leave the maintenance cheque as agreed but he said he didn’t have his cheque book with
him and would send it on when he got back.
Paddling at Ramsgate, Kent
Tue
2 Jul 68
Nearly
set fire to the kitchen when the phone rang in the middle of frying chips and
the pan caught fire. The kitchen was filled with a pall of smoke from ceiling
down to shoulder level! The wooden ceiling was just beginning to glow! Made H
stand out in the back garden for safety. Threw a wet towel over the flaming pan
and a glass of water up on to the ceiling. Then went to flap the towel to get
rid of the smoke whereupon the chip pan burst into flames again! Kitchen
cupboards, ceiling, windows etc all needed washing thoroughly. Thank goodness
no harm to anyone.
They
have now started to slam doors upstairs whenever we make any sort of noise. If
H and I laugh at something in the hall downstairs a door upstairs is slammed
again and again. I cannot believe anyone can behave so childishly.
Wed
3 Jul 68
No
cheque from Ian yet. I phoned him and he said he would bring it down with him
at the weekend. He will leave London Friday night after work and would book
into a B & B. H asked me afterwards if he would come down to live with us
again so she could see him more. She is obviously very unhappy at the
separation and letting her down so often doesn’t help. I’m sure she would be
able to accept it better if he kept his promises to visit. I can’t believe he
can do this to her. I told her that he and I had decided not to live together
and that she was not to blame for that. I also told her that we both loved her
very much but that we argued too much. ‘Why doesn’t he come and see me’ she
asked. I felt so angry with him. He is
in the wrong and I have to apologise for him. He is going back on all his
promises. It hurts more because it hurts H so much. Told her that he loved her
very much but is busy earning money so that he can send money for us to manage
but it sounded a pretty weak excuse and it annoys me that I have to make
excuses for him.
Thu
4 Jul 68
M.W. offered to baby sit H so I could go to the cinema with R. an office friend. She said
that they sat in the garden in deckchairs for a while and then they put them back in the hall, leaning them up against the wall as they had been. As
she walked away one slipped and crashed down on to the floor and
immediately a door upstairs was banged shut forcefully which went on and
on for 20 minutes!
Sat
6 Jul 68
H
was standing at the gate first thing this morning looking out for her Dad. Walked
down to Boscawen Park in pm to get her mind off his non arrival. Left a note on
the back door. H took her scooter and a bag of crusts to feed to the ducks. Had
an ice cream and she went on the swings.
On
way back I climbed on the back of the scooter behind her and off we went along the pavement -
whizzing along at some speed having great fun and with us both laughing. Rounding a bend
a coach full of tourists saw us and
laughed at the sight of us on the scooter. They opened the windows and cheered, shouted and waved at us as they
passed and we laughed and waved back and continued on home. It certainly
cheered H up. No sign of I. though.
Mon
8 Jul 68
H
phoned her Dad and he told her he would be down on Friday for her birthday. I hate
listening while they speak because I can see how disappointed she is that he
has not turned up when he said he would especially as he never gives her a good
enough reason. She so loves talking to him over the phone but he hasn’t or won’t
give us a number for her to ring him. I expect the phone here will be cut off
soon since it is not registered in my name.
Wed
10 Jul 68
Cheque
from I. - late again but just in time for me to buy H’s birthday present.
Phoned to thank him and he spoke to H who again invited him to her birthday
party on Friday which P M at and I planning for her. He said he would come down
tomorrow to make sure he didn’t miss it.
Mon
15 Jul 68
I. was supposed to be down for H’s birthday but did not turn up. Nor did he send a
card or present, or phone to let her know he could not make it. She was upset, tearful and very disappointed. Cannot imagine what this is doing to her,
poor love.
Fortunately
P M arrived with a birthday present for
her and helped me with the small party I had arranged in the pm (and which I. was supposed to attend). C, As daughter, arrived and we managed to distract H with a few
games between the three of us.
Took
ages to settle her down for bed because she was still upset. At about ten I. phoned and demanded to speak
to her. I said she was in bed asleep and how upset she had been that he hadn’t
turned up. He again demanded that I
should wake her but by then she had been asleep for over an hour. He told me to
wake her, and when I refused he got very angry and hung up. I was so angry that
he hadn’t let her know he couldn’t make her birthday party and had spoilt her whole weekend. It will now
take days for her to settle down. He thinks I am being unreasonable.
Have
completed my temp job with MAFF and started working for F.I.in
Truro about a week ago. F.W, my boss at MAFF said he will make sure that estabs
do not forget to invite me for an interview when a post becomes vacant. Prefer
working for MAFF.
Tue
16 Jul 68
Put
H to bed as usual about 8. At about 10.30 the door opened and in she walked. I
asked her what was wrong but she ignored me and walked into the kitchen and
then climbed up the back stairs to her playroom. There was an open suitcase on
the floor and she squatted down in it as though she was about to go to the loo.
She was sound asleep. Before she could do anything I picked her up, cuddled her
and carried her down to the toilet and then back to bed. She did not wake
through it all. She’s never done anything like that before.
Sat
20 Jul 68
Pat.M. was visiting having promised H earlier in the week that she would take her to
her parents farm and today they were expecting them for tea. H was very excited about seeing
the animals.
As they were about to leave at about 2.30 I. arrived unexpectedly with a big cuddly toy. Again he hadn’t phoned to let me know he was coming. H overjoyed. I told I. that this visit to the farm had been arranged several days earlier and Pat and H should go ahead. He told Pat, most aggresively, to phone her parents to tell them H could not make it. Pat said she couldn’t do that because they were not on the phone.
As they were about to leave at about 2.30 I. arrived unexpectedly with a big cuddly toy. Again he hadn’t phoned to let me know he was coming. H overjoyed. I told I. that this visit to the farm had been arranged several days earlier and Pat and H should go ahead. He told Pat, most aggresively, to phone her parents to tell them H could not make it. Pat said she couldn’t do that because they were not on the phone.
Then he complained he had driven all the way down to see
H and now would have to drive all the way back hardly having seen her. I reminded him
that he had agreed some weeks back that he would not turn up
unexpectedly and if he booked in somewhere locally for the night he could see her all day tomorrow. Said he couldn’t do that because he
had to get back to work.
He
continued being sarcastic and rude to Pat which really made me cross so I told
him he was now in my house not his and I wouldn’t allow him to speak that way
to my guest. H, of course, caught in the middle of all this.
Anyway
she knows Pat so well by now that she went off quite happily with her, still was
very excited at the prospect of visiting the farm and they had a good day.
I. had another go at me when they had gone, repeating that he had driven all this way to
see H, and we ended up having a big argument.
Told him it was not reasonable for him to turn up out of the blue just when it suited him and expect to take charge of H and then arrange a visit and not turn up. When he couldn’t make it on the day he arranged I told him he had to phone and let her know the reasons so that she knew not to expect him. Tried to explain that she got very upset when he promised to visit and then did not turn up and that she was always distressed for several days after. Also told him it was unreasonable to expect to come down just when it suited him and without warning. Again suggested he book in at a B & B and take her out tomorrow but he said no, he had to go into the office tomorrow. Then he stormed out slamming the door behind him. I am now worried that he is OK to drive because he was so furious when he left and had already driven down without a break, or so he said.
Told him it was not reasonable for him to turn up out of the blue just when it suited him and expect to take charge of H and then arrange a visit and not turn up. When he couldn’t make it on the day he arranged I told him he had to phone and let her know the reasons so that she knew not to expect him. Tried to explain that she got very upset when he promised to visit and then did not turn up and that she was always distressed for several days after. Also told him it was unreasonable to expect to come down just when it suited him and without warning. Again suggested he book in at a B & B and take her out tomorrow but he said no, he had to go into the office tomorrow. Then he stormed out slamming the door behind him. I am now worried that he is OK to drive because he was so furious when he left and had already driven down without a break, or so he said.
Sat
27 Jul 68
Have
not heard from I. since he left in a huff. The telephone has now been
disconnected so he cannot phone us at home now. It would be nice to be able to
afford to keep the line but just cannot run to the rental. Wrote giving him my
phone number at work.
Mon
5 Aug 68
Nothing
from I.
Sun
11 Aug 68
Out
for a long walk with H. Wandered round back lanes and explored new areas.
Picking up, as usual, various plant life goodies as we went along and brought them back for
identification. Must try to remember to take a small bag with us next time because they wilt in my pocket.
Time for black-berrying soon.
Jackie phoned to say I. was no longer with them and hadn’t left an address where he
can be reached. They had pointed out to him that he was constantly complaining
about everything. The room, the flat, the noise the little boy made. He also spent over an
hour in the bathroom every morning when everyone was in a rush to get out.
He complained about the food she cooked and that when he was late home from
work, sometimes she pointed out, as late as 10 or 11 (and he never phoned to let her know he
would be late) expected dinner to be waiting for him. They came home Friday
night and all his things had gone. He hadn’t said a word. Just packed up and
left while they were out. I don’t know what she wants me to do about it, and I didn’t
ask or apologise. TYpical. Everyone must fall in with what he wants.
Mon
12 Aug 68
Cheque
from I. No covering letter or letter for H. Replied thanking him and asking
if he could send it as he has promised - at the end or beginning of a month
rather than a week or so later because I have financial commitments which are
due such as rent etc. Apart from which I
am usually running out of money by then. Also asked him to write to H regularly
and arrange to visit her more often and if possible, at least once a month or six weeks.
Sun
29 Sep 68
We
went out blackberrying today. Came back scratched and tired but with a very good
haul and made a blackberry and apple pie for supper. Smelt delicious when it
was cut, tasted even better with cream.
Thu
3 Oct 68
Have been offered a position of Clerical Assistant with MAFF from 4 Nov. Pay
increase since I last worked for them - now £13 12s 6d pw. which will help a lot.
I. has not arranged to visit since July when he walked out in a huff. He has written only once to H since then.
She keeps asking me why he doesn’t come down to see her or write to her. She understands we are not going to live together again and that her Dad can come and
visit any time he wants as long as he writes letting us know. I don’t know what else to tell her. I make excuses for him, saying he is
very busy at work and has to work to send us money every month but loves her
very much and would love to be able to come down to see her more often but I feel
very angry that he treats her like this and because I have to make excuses for
his neglect.
26
Oct 68
Out
for a long walk with H. Chill in the air but loved every minute.
Mon
4 Nov 68
Started
work back at MAFF in Farm Improvements as a CA. Nice to be back and see
all the people I worked with when I was here before. The work
involved is simple enough. No brain strain. Huge room which could take 20 or 30 people with only 9 people working in it.
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