1961
Recollections:
In
1961 the MOTHS Alberton branch (Clicketty Click) decided to stage a play and
Thelma and I were picked to act in it. The rehearsals took place in
Johannesburg and Pam v d W (whom I had become friends with when we
worked together) offered to do the make-up of which she has some experience.
Charles (her husband) and Thelma also had parts in the play.
1
January
Driving
home from Parktown today John stopped at the traffic lights and a car drove
into the back of us shunting us right across the road and half way to the
middle of the junction. I was very shaken up because the force broke seat
supports, my seat went over backwards and I went with it, my head hitting the
door jamb and my back was wrenched badly.
The
car responsible drove round us and pulled up a little way up the hill opposite
and the driver got out, looked back to where we were, then got back in his car
and drove off.
The
manager of a nearby hotel escorted me back to the hotel and allowed me the use
of one of their rooms until the traffic police had sorted things out.
The
traffic police arrived and took notes including the number and description of
the car and as they were doing this the man who had hit us arrived with a
friend. Apparently they were both policemen (SA Police not traffic police). He
had driven to his own police station to find a friend who worked with him, to bring
him back to survey the scene. Fortunately the policeman taking details told him
to clear off and is going to report him for 'hit and run'. Fortunately there
were plenty of witnesses.
February
John
has a new job and is being sent to train in the UK for 6 months. I suggested
that Ann, Chris and I go with him but he said this was not possible. He moved a
single bed into our room shortly after getting the job and now sleeps in it.
This afternoon, when Keith was out and Chris was asleep, I asked him why he had
done this. He told me that so far as he is concerned our marriage is over and I
should start looking for another husband. That I was not to expect us to live
together when he gets back from the UK and we will then get divorced. Wouldn’t
discuss it any further. I suppose this has been coming on for a few years now.
Undated
later:
Since
his announcement I have tried talking to him about our problems but he is
determined to go ahead. I asked him what did he think was going to happen to us
(me and the children) and he said that was now my problem. I could have the
furniture and should start looking for somewhere smaller to live. I have no
idea what I am going to do - I cannot earn enough to keep the three us.
John
has now left for the UK. At Jan Smuts airport a dozen or so friends and T &
W were there to see him off. Keith drove us to the airport and John ignored me
completely from the moment we left the flat. When the flight was called he said
goodbye to everyone except me - then turned and walked away. Ann ran after him
in tears calling ‘Daddy, Daddy. You haven’t said goodbye to Mummy.’ He turned
and came back and I went towards him to kiss him goodbye and without a word he
pecked me on the cheek and walked off. Everyone was stunned by his
behaviour.
Haven’t
had a word from John since he left for the UK. I don't know what to do about
the break-up. He has not told his parents.
Sun
12 March
Ann
and Chris were at Parktown for the weekend. Pam and Charles asked me if I would
like to go out with them and a friend of theirs who will be driving us all to a
holiday farm, near Nylstroom (called Shangri La) where his friend has company
business with the owners.
Later:
Good day out. Very relaxed.
Charles
v d W had started to take an interest in exploring caves and invited me to join
him and Pam and his friend Ian, and Keith Setters to explore a cave which is on
land his company had reposessed in the Magaliesbergs. Thie caves were on the land
surrounding the Santa Barbara Hotel. Charles said that he understood the cave
had never been explored.
It
was a very hot day and we had to walk a couple of miles across the veldt to
reach the cave and we were hot and dusty by the time we arrived. With some difficulty
we climbed down into a steep sided hole and crawled down further and around for
several hours, sometimes having to secure rope holds to allow us to climb down
further and sometimes squeezing through narrow gaps, with Charles, the only one
with a protective helmet, marking our passage as we went.
After
about 2 hours we reached a shelf which had another shelf about 8 feet below.
Charles and I were the only ones with the nerve to climb down to it and peering
over the edge into what appeared at first to be a black cavern. Charles flashed
his light around and it came to rest on a striped surveying pole. Great disappointment
all round - we were not the first!
After
a hot walk back across the veldt, during which Charles found a prickly pear
fruit which he carefully pulled to pieces with a knife and a stick so that we
could all refresh ourselves on the juice.
We
then went back to the Santa Barbara Hotel where an old albino African who knew Charles, was the caretaker. He let us in and after looking around the locked and
empty hotel and decided to go for a swim in the pool which had been kept clean
by the caretaker.
None
of us had any swim suits or towels. Pam and I found a small changing hut nearby
and stripped down to knickers and blouses (mine was a man’s shirt which I tied
under my bust) and laughing and giggling at our daring we started to saunter
across the grass to the pool when Charles ran out from behind a shrub, slapped
us both on the backside in passing, and dived into the water. Pam and I giggled
like teenagers and jumped in behind him. It seemed such a carefree but daring
thing to do because we knew that it would not be approved of in South African
‘polite society’. Certainly I was aware that I no longer under the critical eye
of Mrs B which, until this time, seemed to rule my every action. Neither did I
need to worry about John being around.
How
refreshing and cooling that swim was. I had to keep fighting my shirt because
it kept parting at the front as buttons became undone as I swam. This, of
course, amused the men but they kept at a respectful distance. However as soon
as we got out we realised that the water had made our knickers and shirts
almost transparent - so squealing and giggling while trying to cover up, Pam
and I made a quick dash back to our ‘changing room’. We decided to wring out
our knickers and carry them with us because they were still so wet and just
dressed in bra, shirt and slacks we walked back to the car by which time our
shirts were almost dry. It was one of the most enjoyable, happy and relaxed
days I’d had in a long time.
April
Only
one letter from J since he left. He said he definitely wanted a divorce. So
have started looking for a small flat for the children and myself. All I can
afford is a 1 bedroom flat in one of the cheaper areas. Now working as
receptionist/ typist/switchboard operator for an advertising agency near
Johannesburg Library.
Ian
rings me up at work almost daily for a chat. He is the finance manager of UDT.
Undated:
Have
met with Ian several times recently - he often takes me over to the hall for
rehearsals but does not come in. He has a pale green Citroen car - which from
the front reminds me of Goofy.
I
still haven't told any of our mutual friends that John and I have broken up. It's as
though I am trying to ignore the problem. For a while the future seemed like a
huge black hole in front of me. But things do seem to be moving between Ian and
me - he seems very keen - so perhaps I do have a future after all.
I
must say I feel very free not having to worry about John's drinking.
Last
weekend (7-9 April) was a long public holiday weekend (Van Riebeck’s Day). Mrs
B wanted the children for the weekend so on the spur of the moment Ian
suggested we take a trip to the Kruger.
Day
1: Started out Fri am and drove via Bapsfontein, Bronkhorstspruit (stopped for
lunch), Belfast, Machadadorp, Witbank, Middlesburg and Nelspruit (spent first
night). 234 miles.
Day
2: Off early again and went through White River and entered KNP by Numbi Gate
and drove to Skukuza. Saw only springbok. Dirt roads throughout the park. So
‘eat my dust’ much of the time when others overtake.
After
lunch and booking night accommodation (rondavel) set off in pm for Lower Sabie,
roughly 25 miles away. Speed limit in KNP 25 mph but even that was too fast. We
did 10-15 mph most of the time. Didn’t get to Lower Sabie.
Saw
water buffalo and elephant, the last being far off.
Whenever
we stopped, thinking we had seen something, every car that passed us stopped
and parked to see what we were looking at. So we played games - stopping just
anywhere and pretended to be able to see something - peering off into the trees
and pointing. Soon there were half a dozen cars parked near us with the
occupants trying to see what we were looking at. Then we drove off and left
them still mystified.
Later
turned off onto a quieter road and came across a leopard seated in the middle
of the road. He shifted over to the right (to give us room??) and sat about 100
yards in front of us. No-one was in sight so we had him to ourselves.
We
moved the car in closer until we were right beside him - within a few feet. he
looked up at us and then resumed his study of a herd of springbok some way off.
I
was so excited I burnt myself on my cigarette as I leant across to get a photo.
Nearly stubbed the cigarette out on the back of Ian’s neck! Think we got some
good shots of the leopard before he went chasing after his dinner.
We
had to turn back soon after because the rest camp closed at 6pm and late
returners are fined.
The
camp overlooks the Olifants River (a tributary of the Limpopo) and after dinner
we sat late into the evening with drinks, watching the glow worms and a
crocodile on a sand bank nearby.
Day
3
Up
early again and at the gates before they opened at 6am. As we waited heard a
hyena laughing - weird sound which reverberated round the hills for several
seconds.
Took
same route to Lower Sabie intending to have breakfast there. Should have asked
before we left because it was too late in the season and was closed.
Fortunately we had biscuits to munch.
Saw
the (same?) leopard again and drove on to Tshokwane which is just a halt for
tea and cool drinks and then drove back to Skukuza for lunch.
There
were lots of baboons at one place - what a pest they are - climbing on cars as
they stop, trying to pull off the fittings. It is fatal to feed them - they
refuse to get off even when you start to drive away. Ian gave one a banana and
we were mobbed and couldn't get rid of them until we speeded up.
Saw
wildebeeste, hyena, monkeys, warthogs, squirrels and one snake.
In
pm left Skukuza and took a different route to Numbi Gate. Just before reaching
the gate on rounding a bend in the road we found a giraffe blocking our way.
Eating leaves from a tall tree. He was quite unconcerned by our arrival and
took his time leaving.
Took
same route back to JHB and arrived home 10.15pm.
Mileage
726 miles. 200 in the reserve and hardly saw anything of what it really has to
offer. The heat was terrific and we drank loads of cool drinks. Even the butter
melted.
It
is the first real break I have had for years. Told Keith we went with Pam and
Charles because I am sure he would not approve.
Fri
16 Jun 61 (1003 Caroldene, Soper Rd, JHB)
John
sends me no money for our support and my pay doesn’t cover the rent so have had
to sell the furniture and move out of the flat I took after John left (it was
infested with cockroaches anyway) and have moved in with Ian. His flat is on
the top floor and is very small. It has one main room, a bathroom and a
kitchen.
Mrs
B. is no help apart from offering to
take the children until I find somewhere larger and is then not very helpful
about me visiting them. Whatever time or day I suggest does not suit her.
Ian
said he is looking for a larger place and we should move in a couple of weeks
and we can then have the children with us. He doesn’t want anyone to know that
I am married because he thinks his firm will disapprove. Surely they are going
to find out sometime once the children are with us? It is very difficult
remembering what not to say when I meet his work colleagues.
Missing
children terribly. Have to keep busy to stop me thinking about them.
Thelma
said that she and Thora went over and saw Chris recently and he is still
clinging on to the bag of toys I gave him when I left him there and won't let
it out of his sight.
30
June
Ian
said he hasn’t had the time to look for a larger flat. I reminded him how
important it was to get the children back but he now says it may not be
possible for a while. When pressed he refused to talk about it and I felt he
was trying to punish me for having brought the subject up. He then refused to
talk to me for several hours, sulking. I feel thoroughly miserable.
July
I
seem to be caught in a cleft stick. Ian has now decided he is not happy with us
living together because his company will not approve and wants us to get
married as soon as the divorce is finalised. Not sure I want to get married
again.
Spend
my days painting and listening to music but feel very depressed. Miss the
children terribly. Phone every other day to try and get to see them more often
but she usually has some reason why it is not possible. Tried to get to see
them recently when Ann was home on holiday but Mrs B said it was not
convenient! Must keep busy to stop me thinking about them.
A
visit once a fortnight is about all she will allow and Ian has a sulk if I talk
about them which makes things awkward. Keep reminding him of his promise to
find a lawyer to help me get custody of the children and this usually ends in
him sulking for a couple of hours. Would return home if I had the fares and
thought Dad would be supportive but can’t leave Ann and Chris behind. Can’t support
myself let alone them. What a mess.
11
August
Phoned
Mrs B to arrange to take the children next weekend but she said they were
taking them away for a couple of weeks. Letter from John which, he said, he was
writing in a bar. Says he has heard I am seeing someone and is annoyed that I
did not write and tell him. Says he cannot bear the thought of losing me and if
it is to be then he wants custody of the children because if he has lost me at
least he will have them. I cannot believe his attitude. He would be the very
worst person to have custody of the children. Ian is away on business for a few
days so will have to wait to tell him.
15
August
Awful
row with Ian last night because I was going to find a lawyer and sue for
custody of the children. He won’t have it. Says he cannot be involved in any
court cases or my divorce. He sulked all evening and then said he wants me to
go down to the coast for a while because John is due back any day and he
doesn’t want him to find out we are living together in case he is cited as
co-respondent. Just do not know what to do anymore.
Sat
19 August (Lagoon Hotel, Amazimtoti)
I
gave in in the end. Things seem to be going against me.
Ian
has brought me down here because John is due back in the country sometime soon
and he doesn’t want him to know we have been living together. Ian returned to
JHB same day so I am here all by myself.
Have
a lovely room with a sea view in the Lagoon Hotel. At night I can hear the sea
breaking on the sands. But none of this really pleases me because I am missing
the children so much. I have lost a lot of weight in recent months.
Getting
plenty of rest and am getting a tan because, having nothing to do, I spend most
days on the beach or balcony relaxing in the sun in a bikini. First time I’ve
worn one.
Plenty
of time to think over things. 29 this month. What a mess. Should have left John
years ago but I needed a reasonable income to do this. Ian doesn’t understand
how difficult this is for me to be parted from A and C and doesn’t want to talk
about it.
Made
friends with a Scots girl, Jean Sinclair. She has a mahogany tan from her hours
in the sun. Husband (Jimmy) employed locally on a diving contract. (Sewage
pipeline into the sea.)
Natal
very beautiful. English principal language. Seem to be lot of people from home
staying here. A couple, recently arrived, come from Walthamstow. Another is a
Belgian woman on leave from the Congo with her young son, about Christopher’s
age. There is a lot of trouble in the Congo and she said things were pretty bad
there.
28
August
Long
walk with Sanie (Swiss) today. She’s Jean Sinclair’s friend. Up over the hill,
alongside railway track - fortunately only a couple of trains a day. Down to
and along beach back to hotel where there was great excitement because a man
had been seen exposing himself to some of the girls from the hotel who were
sunbathing on the sand nearby! At least meeting a few of the hotel people helps
me keep my mind occupied.
Sat
16 September (Back in JHB)
Have
tried to see the children several times since my return but Mrs B says that
John doesn’t want me to see them and she will not discuss it with me. Tried to
speak to Ian about custody of them because I can do nothing unless he approves.
He will not discuss it and refuses to talk about it when I raise the question.
Asked him to speak to his solicitor friend to find out exactly what my position
is but like the larger flat he was going to get - he will be ‘too busy’ to find
the time.
John
returned from UK recently and phoned me to say he had been in to Ian’s office
today. Wants to meet up to discuss the divorce so arranged to meet at
lunchtime. When we met he said that he thought I would become bored with Ian
pretty quickly because he had no depth.
Said
he would name Ian as co-respondent in the divorce unless I agree to give up the
children and if necessary he would stand up in court and make up things to say
about me as a mother and, if necessary, ruin Ian. That he will never let the
children come back to me and he will pay no maintenance. I am in shock. I don’t
want him to get custody of the children - this is sheer spite. He can be so
unkind to Ann. He showed little concern for them when we lived together and was
a hard father now he pretends he cannot live without them having lost me. Such a hypocrite.
When
Ian got home I told him what John had said and he went berserk. What will his
company think if they find out about us is all he can say. Not in the least
concerned that I might lose the children. I feel so depressed.
I
am unable to earn enough to keep me and the children. John is refusing support.
I have nowhere to live and Ian is now adamant that he does not want the
children.
Phoned
John to try and persuade him to let me see the children but he says not only
will he not let me see the children but that if I try to gain custody he will
defend the case and will carry out his threat even if it means lying in court.
Wed
20 September
This
evening the Bretters arrived unexpectedly at about 9.30 pm - while we had a
couple of Ian's work colleagues visiting at the time. Had to see them in the
kitchen and she said they want to adopt the children. John apparently agreed a
week ago. I asked if I could see the children regularly but she said she would
not allow this and the adoption people said it was better for them both to be
adopted at the same time and for them to make a complete break from me. I was
in a daze for the rest of the evening after they had left. This is a nightmare.
Ian is absolutely no help. Keeps saying his company mustn’t find out I have
been married before.
I
am on my own in this flat from the time he leaves in the morning until 8, 9, 10
at night and feel quite desperate some nights when he doesn’t come home until
very late. Walk around Hillbrow window shopping during the day to pass the
time. Shop for dinner. Trying to keep busy but what can one do in a one room
flat on the top floor? Life is so empty without the children. Cry a lot when
Ian is not here.
26
September
Decided
I have to do something and not to wait for Ian to arrange an appointment with
his solicitor friend and saw one this morning. He said I have no hope of
gaining custody of the children because I do not have an income. If Ian and I
marry and Ian is willing to support them things would be different. Spoke to
Ian again about applying for custody of the children. He didn’t want to discuss
it so another evening of his sulking. Said I wouldn’t marry him unless he
agreed to help me get custody of the children. Feel very depressed.
27
September
Good
news. First thing this morning Ian said he wants us to marry and once married
we can do something about the children.
16
October
Heard
from Dad that Nan is in hospital with a broken hip. Will need a hip
replacement. She went out at dusk to bring in coal, slipped and fell. Dragged
herself in to the scullery and lay there till the following afternoon until Dad
arrived. She is now in hospital having had a hip replacement. Wish I was home.
My
divorce from John is due to be heard next Wednesday. Final decree will be due
13 December.
Ian
has set a tentative date for marriage at JHB RO for 23 December. He is hoping
to get promotion and a move to Cape Town.
The
accident I was involved in in January paid out £109 for injuries, medical
expenses etc. This may cover my divorce costs.
Told
Ian I still want to defend the divorce and apply for custody of the children
and that if he would agree, since he wanted to get married, then I had a good
chance of getting them. He is absolutely set against this because there could
be adverse publicity with John saying he will make sure it gets into the
newspapers if I defend the case. What happened to John’s promises years ago
that if I ever wanted a divorce I could have one and he wouldn’t make a fuss?
Ian
said anyway it is too late to apply for custody and a court is not going to
give me custody unless I can show I can support us and that I will not be able
to say that he will support us because that would mean mentioning him. Said again he does not think he could take
the children because he couldn’t bear it if they turned out hating him! Feel
very depressed. Think he is more worried about what his company will say. I
don't feel like fighting any more.
11
November
Ian
insisted we should sign an ante-nuptial contract and not get married by
Community of Property. ANC’s appear to me to be a presumption that the marriage
is going to end in divorce. Certainly doesn’t show much faith in ones future
life together. Yesterday he arranged for us to go to the office of Mark, his
solicitor friend, to have an ante-nuptial agreement made out and signed. Ian
says he is a very good friend of his so I assumed he knew I was still married.
It was most embarrassing because Ian had not told him anything. It was all very
jovial and light hearted when we arrived with Mark filling out the form on his
typewriter and asking the questions on the form.
Ian
answered for both of us - ‘Full name?’ etc etc and then he got to the question
‘marital status’ Ian said, in my case, ‘single’. I said 'No'. Mark paused for
what seemed an age and I waited for Ian answer. He didn’t say a single word and
I then knew he hadn’t told him I was married and he was embarrassed. So I had to explain I was in the process of a
divorce.
Spending
day tomorrow at Little Falls near JHB - maybe it will get my mind off things.
Fri
22 December
Married
Ian today. I feel as though I have been forced into agreeing to marry him. He
promised again that once he gets his transfer we will apply for custody of Ann
and Chris. But how can I get custody if they are adopted?
I
feel as though I have been drifting and have to let things happen because I can
do nothing to change them. I feel I am unable to fight anymore.
Ian
said he had to go in to the office first to make sure things were running
smoothly back at the office!!! He finally arrived at ten to eleven and we had
to rush. We were booked for 11 in JHB RO in courthouse. Mad dash to get across
town and find parking at that time it being a Friday morning. Ran up the
street, steps and stairs and arrived out of breath and hot. No-one invited to
attend so had to ask two strangers to volunteer as witnesses. Rushed back to
flat. So all a bit like a back street marriage.
Ian
opened a bottle of champagne, took one sip, and then said he had to go back to
office for an hour to finish things off! Am now waiting for him to come back
(it’s 3pm) because we were supposed to be leaving immediately after the
ceremony for Durban. Ian has arranged for us to stay at the Lagoon Hotel for a
few days. It’s only when he has days away from the office that he shows any
‘desire’ so it will be good to get away.
I
feel absolutely stunned as though again I am no longer in control of anything
that happens to me. I no longer know what is the right thing to do. It’s as
though I am caught in a current and cannot break free.
Sat
23 December
We
arrived at Lagoon Hotel (7.30am) to find they had no knowledge of us arriving
and being Christmas they were fully booked! They did manage to find us a poky
little room over the kitchens with no view whatsoever. Very hot, smelly and
noisy! Ian said he had put £5 in to an envelope for the booking deposit and
sent it down to them. I don’t believe a word of it. (Said he also did the same
for a hotel in Lourenco Marques!)
Invited
to a dance at the hotel next door where Jean and Jimmy Sinclair (friends from
my earlier stay in 'toti) are staying now. Arrived at 8.30 and after half and
hour Ian said he was feeling ill so we went back to the hotel.
After
a thoroughly miserable ‘honeymoon’ returned to JHB. Ian unwilling to join in any of the
amusements arranged by the hotel. Aloof, unfriendly and superior to everyone
including people I know from when I was here previously. Not to mention
sleeping in a room which was noisy, smelly and boiling hot.
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