LIfe in South Africa - 1958-60

1958 - 1960

Recollections:
In 1958 we moved into our new house at  Sir George Gray St, Horison, Roodepoort. I would have been happy to stay home looking after the children but John decided that I should work and insisted I did so.
I  started working for a firm which acted as company secretary for a variety of small businesses as receptionist, switchboard operator, copy typist.
Just before I started working for the company one of the managing secretaries of Merchants Industrial had been killed in the Comet aircrash in the Mediterranean .
Pam v d W was working there as a shorthand typist/secretary and we quickly became friends. Soon she and Charles, her husband, became part of our social circle and we continued to be friends until 1992 or 93 when she died.
Some time in 1958-59 we were given a Great Dane puppy (I think we named her Tessa also) who was about a year old and had been bred by Ann's godmother, Mrs Robertson. John built a large brick kennel for her in the backyard - it was big enough for him to sit in. In her second year we had her mated and she had 14 puppies all of which survived.
Part of the garden at the back of the house was fenced with a 6 foot fence to keep other dogs out and Tessa in. When the puppies were being weaned it was a nightmare if one opened the back door at feeding time because they all tried to get into the house and began running around all the rooms. We then had to go round picking them up and putting them out through the back door while the ones outside tried to get in again. Everytime we had to make a head count to see if any were still in the house.

Tessa soon found that by jumping the 6 foot fence she could get relief from the puppies. It took  a year to sell them all and we were practically giving them away in the end. The income from their sale did not cover the extra cost of feeding Tessa both before and after she had the pups. She was on a special diet of milk, meat, vitamins and once the 14 puppies were weaned they needed special food as well.

With Tessa able to jump the fence when next she came into season we had to put her into the dog kennels. The person who was feeding the dogs always arrived in Tessa's kennel with two plates of food, one for the dog next door. One plate had to be held up in the air at arms length while hers was placed on the ground to prevent her getting both plates of food. She always tried to jump up to get at the second plate. One day she leapt up for the raised plate and immediately dropped down dead. Having 14 puppies and jumping the fence had overstrained her heart.

After a few months I left Merchants Industrial and started working for Watson's Shipping as a clerk. This involved working alternate Saturday mornings at which time I also covered the switchboard.  By the October I knew I was expecting again.

At Christmas 1958 Watsons Shipping had their usual Christmas Party and John's company had their party the same night. Both parties were just for the office workers. No guests. At about 8 John phoned to say he would pick me up in the street outside. Arriving early he parked the car and decided to invite himself to the my firm's party. He was extremely drunk and it was most humiliating because he went round insulting everyone. I eventually managed to persuade him to leave and I again drove home. I felt I had the first symptons of flu and just wanted to get home and to bed.  All the time during the journey he kept saying that I begrudged him another drink.

The next day, the flu being worse so I stayed in bed. John woke late and I got up to make myself some tea. He was still annoyed that I had made him leave the party when he wanted another drink and we had an argument in the bedroom about what had happened the night before at my office.
I said that he had embarrassed me at my place of work. He sneered and said 'You - you've never done a day's work in your life.'
The argument became heated and he became very angry and brought his clenched fist back to hit me in the face. I was so shocked that I stepped back and sat on the bed. He leant towards me and right in my face said ‘That’s right,’ he said’ ‘you’re a coward as well.’
Having had enough of his intimidation for years I decided to challenge him and stood up and faced him and said 'Go on then, hit me!' He stared at me in disbelief and turning away quickly to leave the room and walked straight into the edge of the open door giving himself a blackeye. He then disappeared for the rest of the day.

My flu was worse the following day and Walter came over and took Ann back with him to Parktown because I was too ill to look after her. I was feeling so ill I hadn't eaten anything since the party. John arrived back drunk at lunchtime and offered to make me lunch. He asked what I wanted and I suggested a couple of eggs thinking these were the easiest things to cook. I heard him shuffling round in the kitchen for a few minutes - finding the saucepan etc and I lay in bed waiting for lunch. Then everything went quiet in the kitchen.

After half an hour I went out to see what had happened and found him propped up against the kitchen cabinets and the sink, passed out on his feet. The two half boiled eggs were in the kitchen sink. One was peeled and lying in the plughole and the other was broken in half with the saucepan on top of it. Two slices of burnt toast lay on the draining board. As I was clearing this up he came too and started arguing again but I ignored him and went back to bed.
Once again he disappeared and was gone for several hours. After dark I heard the back gate slam and all went silent again. Being alone in the house I felt nervous and went out with the torch to see why the gate had slammed and look around the back yard.
It was tipping down with rain and there was a movement in the brick kennel. (Tessa had died some months earlier.)   I shone the torch in the kennel and saw John,  soaking wet, curled up inside. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he said 'Well, I'm in the doghouse with you so I might as well sleep in the doghouse." I told him he was going to become ill if he stayed out there for long and eventually he came into the house.

In the February of 1959 John and I were returning to Horison from an evening at Thelma and Chris's. It had been raining and a car drove out of a side road and struck the door on my side of our car. Our car was pushed to the wrong side of the road and mounted a heap of building sand which had been left in the gutter whereupon my door was flung open and I was thrown out onto the road.

I slid across the road until I came to a stop in the centre. My first thought was the vulnerable position I was in. If the driver of a car, coming from either direction, did not notice me in the road I could be run over so I picked myself up and staggered to the side of the road. John thought, when I fell out of the door as he hit the pile of sand, that he had run over me.

I was taken to hospital for a check up but apart from back grazes down one side and my elbow, caused by sliding on the wet, sandy road surface, and severe bruising, I was uninjured. My second big fear was that I would lose the baby but everything was OK but I was advised to take the week off.
The following day was a Saturday when I should have been covering the switchboard at Watsons Shipping but I was not well enough to go to work so phoned in to explain what had happened.
Having recovered somewhat I returned to work on the Wednesday following the accident. As the following Saturday was not my Saturday to work I did not go in. On the Monday I was called in to the Managing Directors office and asked why I had not attended work on the Saturday. I explained that I hadn't thought it was expected of me since it  was someone elses Saturday to cover.
This was not acceptable to them and I was harangued by the MD. Even telling him I returned to work several days before the hospital had advised was not acceptable to him. Eventually I burst into tears and gave my notice. I think this was their aim because I was pregnant  and they didn't think it looked good for the company to employ a pregnant woman.

Between then and Chris's birth I drew and coloured Bambi and Thumper frieze for the new pale yellow nursery which was to be for Chris.

 1959

14 April

Christopher Stuart Campbell Turnbull born. I started labour pains at about 10 am. It started like a bad backache which I am used to since falling off the horse. John was at work and I phoned him at 11 when I was sure and he returned immediately and took me in to the nursing home and baby was born a few hours later.
Christopher Stuart Campbell Turnbull was born at 5 in the afternoon, weighing in at over 7 lbs.
Later: I stayed in hospital for 10 days which was quite usual then.

 26 October

I was surprised when Madge from our old flats in Jeppe called recently. We haven't heard from her since we left there. She said she had been separated from Doug for several years and that about a year ago he had moved to Durban. He went to a cinema one night and as he left he got into an argument with a coloured man in the street and was stabbed in the neck and died.

Letter to H M Barnes: Christopher has his first tooth last Friday and has started crawling and sitting up by himself. He tries to talk and thinks he can compete with Elvis.

Ann is outside playing in the tin bath with Nanette, her friend. They are spraying each other with the hose and screaming at the top of their voices.

By now John's drinking was out of control and at parties he swilled down as much as anyone was capable of drinking in the whole evening. Our friends humoured him which was embarrassing.

Throughout all the problems over the years I had not told my family in the UK about them nor had I discussed them with anyone in SA. I thought it would be disloyal to John to do so. Consequently no one knew how I was coping with the problems being encountered. I can see now that  I was slowly sinking into depression and felt I had no control over the situation and had no way out.

Increasingly I was having to insist on driving us home because he was too drunk to do so, which he would never admit. Frequently we got into an argument about who was to drive because he could not see he'd had too much to drink but I wasn’t prepared to take a chance with the children in the back.

We found a flat in Johannesburg. By this time John had started disappeared on drinking binges for days at a time. I never questioned him as to where he had been and he never offered an explanation.

A couple of days before we were due to move he disappeared again. I packed up the whole house by myself. Fortunately Keith turned up on moving day and gave a hand and hung the curtains at the new flat for me. John returned home later that evening after all the work was done.

It was at about this time that Tinca and Walter offered to pay for Ann to attend convent school. They obviously realised there were problems at home. I thought it was for the best because the situation at home was becoming completely out of hand with arguments.

The flat was on the first floor over garages. John decided we should have a house warming party and he would make the food. Curry. He decided to buy the curry ingredients himself and spent the whole afternoon mixing them - despite the fact he did not know the composition of curry powder. No one ate the food because it tasted so awful. Out of bravado John ate some.

As was usual he soon became drunk and argumentative and fearing that he would take the car and be a danger to himself I took the keys from his pocket and hid them. That night he drank us dry and our guests, seeing the way things were going, all left early.Keith stayed behind and suggested I go to bed with the baby, Chris, and leave John to him.
I went into the kitchen for water and heard him telling Keith that I begrudged him a drink and had hidden all the bottles. He started searching for his car keys and then came into the kitchen and asked me where they were. Said he wanted a drink and where had I hidden the bottles. I told him it was all gone (which is was) but he saw a wine bottle on the table (which contained vinegar) and said I begrudged him a drink. I told him it was vinegar in the bottle but he didn't believe me and took a huge swig and swallowed and then started choking. When he recovered he picked up the bottle and threw it across the room where it smashed against the wall, and then he staggered out of the kitchen.
Keith followed him and I could hear him trying to talk sense to him, and then heard John say 'Nobody likes my music' several times and (as I found out later) he picked up a stack of records and threw them on the floor, smashing them. He then again said since no one liked his music he was going to stop anyone else listening to music and kicked in the front of the radiogram.
John continued being violent and started blaming me for everything and I feared he was going to come into the bedroom and harm me or young Chris so I took the Beretta and stood by Chris's cot (who, surprisingly, was still sound asleep) with it in my hand ready to shoot John if he came near us. By then Keith had had enough and told me he was going to phone Chris May (Thelma's husband) to see if he could come over and subdue him because John was getting very angry. Fortunately Chris arrived and only by force did he managed to subdue John, until he passed out on the floor where he spent the night.

Recollections:

When Chris was about 6 months old John picked me up one lunch time to take me to visit the wife of one of his work colleagues and said he would pick us up at 5.30. She'd recently had a baby and I spent the afternoon with her.  Thinking I was only going to be away for three hours or so I only took a couple of nappies and a bottle of water for Chris but no money or food for him - just the housekeys. She started preparing dinner and 5.30 came and went and no sign of John but her husband (who worked in the same office with John) arrived home.
Their dinner was ready by 6.30 and they delayed it until 7.30 when I insisted they eat. They offered to share their meal but I could see there was only sufficient for two. I had to borrow nappies and food for Chris from her. They had no car so her husband could not run me home and neither of them had the money to lend me for a taxi. Eventually John turned up at 9, drunk again.
At home John continued drinking while I put Chris to bed. I then went into the kitchen and started preparing a meal. When it was ready I went looking round the flat for John. The stoep door was unlocked and I went out to look over the stoep wall to see if he had taken the car but it was still there so I went back in and locked the door and went to bed.
The following day he arrived back at about 12 or 1 and accused me of deliberately locking him out on the stoep the night before. He said he had been sitting in the corner of the stoep where it was dark when I came out and looked over at the car. I then went inside and locked him on the stoep. He was convinced I had done this deliberately.

He had apparently jumped over the stoep wall (we were on the first floor), taken the car and driven to Pretoria however half way there he ran out of petrol and having no money on him was unable to buy and and had walked back.

Christmas 1959:

On Boxing DayThelma and Chris had a party at their home in Alberton. John and I, Keith Setters, several of our mutual friends, Walter and Tinca and neighbours and half a dozen children were also present including Ann and Chris.  We were all dressed very casually, John in shorts. He had started drinking early that morning.
By mid morning everyone but me (I was inside changing Chris) was seated in a circle on the stoep chatting together when John stood up in the centre of the circle, and while swaying backwards and forwards started lecturing everyone about something he was interested in. 
He had his back to Thelma and his mother and Walter and was so serious in his manner that after he had been 'lecturing' everyone for ten minutes, Thelma, playfully, decided to tease him and and tweaked the hairs on the back of his leg. Without turning round he said 'If you do that again I'll kick you' and went on with his speech.
Thelma tweaked the hairs on the back of his leg again and he kicked back and caught his mother across the shin, which split the skin open (she later had to have stitches) and there was blood everywhere. Not surprisingly she burst into tears with the pain and everyone was shocked at what he had done. Swaying on his feet, he turned round to see what had happened and when he saw it was his mother he had kicked, and the state of her leg, said 'Good, I've been wanting to do that to you all my life, mother.'
Thelma tried to dress Tinca's shin but she just wanted to go home and she and Walter left. I completely spoilt Christmas for them. John showed no remorse for what he had done and made no attempt to apologise.

By lunchtime he was becoming a bigger problem when he started wrestling with the young children, rolling and tumbling roughly with them on the grass. I was concerned that one of them would be injured and as always, not wishing to antagonise him, quietly asked him to stop. They were only 4 or 5 years old and did not understand the situation. He ignored me and carried on. I asked him again, but rather more firmly, with the same result. Finally I had to insist that he stopped and told the children to go inside whereupon John glowered at me and stalked off. He wasn't seen again at the party until dark.

The local hotel was open and he went down there and started drinking and then began making a nuisance of himself. When the landlord had enough he asked John to leave and in an attempt to keep him in a good mood offered to shake hands with him. John refused and left and started walking back to Thelma's, This took him along the side of the hotel and the back yard in which the landlord kept ducks, so he went in, caught a duck and, as he described it late, shook hands with it by wringing its neck.
Chris, Thelma's husband, heard someone knocking at the kitchen door and on opening it was hit in the face with a dead duck which John threw in. 'Here's New Year's dinner for you' said John.
He continued drinking through the evening while swaying about in the middle of the front room and I asked Keith if he would take me and the children home and he agreed. I told Thelma and Chris that I thought this time he had gone too far and that I wasn't sure I wanted him back.

One of the guests (someone John did not like) had turkeys on a small holding was not impressed with what John had done with the duck and said so, adding that he would shoot anyone who came on to his land and killed one of his turkeys.

I looked in on John before leaving and he was swaying to and fro and his eyes were completely glazed. When I said goodbye to everyone he was unable to focus on anything in the room and was in danger of falling down so Chris and Keith persuaded him he was better off seated on the floor.

Thelma later told me what happened afterwards. He slept the night in the corner on the floow and Thelma threw a blanket over him. When she and Chris woke the next day she found him seated in front of the unlit fire,  the blanket round his shoulders, shivering. 'I think I must have behaved badly, yesterday' he said to her. She told him he had behaved very badly. 'I don't suppose Jean's going to forgive me very easily is she? he asked her. She agreed and told him what I had said about not wanting him back. He asked her advice on what he could do to make it up with me and she suggested he wrote me an extremely humble note asking for my forveness and gave him pen and paper.

Two minutes later he handed her what he had written. 'I'm sorry I behaved badly. John' and asked her what she thought about his letter. She said it wasn't good enough and he would have to do better. He asked her what he should say and then copied down her words and Chris brought me the letter later that morning. The letter was very humble and apologetic so I agreed to have him back but only on condition he immediately phoned his mother and apologised for what he had done and said to her.
He came home and phoned his mother to apologise and she told him that I was to blame for allowing him to behave that way.

John had not forgotten the man who kept turkeys on a smallholding and now invited him over for a New Year's Day dinner. On New Year's Eve he and a friend dressed in old clothes went out to the man's farm, blacked their faces and crawling on their stomachs broke into the turkey pen and killed one of the turkeys. The man came out of his house and fired a gun in the air but they were not seen. Later the couple were like children as they bragged about what they had one.

The following day John plucked the turkey, cooked it and served it up to the man whose turkey it was, while listening to him telling how he had dealt with the intruders who came to steal one of his turkeys.

March 1960

Letter to H M Barnes: Chris is 11 months old and has 12 teeth. He can say Mum-mum, dad-da, baba, tata and calls Ann Aaa and sometimes tries to whistle.

Recollection:

Sometime in 1959, probably towards the end of the year or early 1960, we again moved for financial reasons, to another flat, this time in Doornfontein. We were still trying to sell the house at this time. Paying the mortgage on the house and the rent on the flat made things very tight so we rented out  the house until it was sold.
When we moved to the 3 bedroomed flat at Doornfontein Keith Setters moved in with us which helped with our financial problems.