While some might imagine my posts are an attack on those with this
illness - they are not. However consider this - while there are many lines of medical and therapeutic
help for those suffering from Bipolar Disorder little thought appears to be given to those who find themselves married to a bipolar spouse. Least of all from the person they are married to!
Bound by marriage and love they receive no sympathy, support or understanding at all from their bipolar spouse apart from those very occasional times of perhaps a few hours when their spouse becomes balanced. Those with BD often excuse their appalling behavior, blaming it on their illness and, whether knowingly or not, are often unable to identify or sympathise with the distress and depression they have caused the person they are married to and, supposedly, love. It is almost, as one person remarked, as though they have a licence to behave badly.
It is one thing to be saddled with an incurable lifelong illness one did nothing to cause and did not ask for it but lets face it there are many people in the world who have a serious health issues they didn't ask for but are forced to deal with.
It is an entirely different matter when your behaviour causes others who love you to be driven into depression and there lies the difference between a marriage with and without bipolar. One can equally say that the non bipolar spouse did nothing to cause it but they are still forced to deal with it and adjust and keep their sanity!
In non bipolar marriage there is usually mutual love, respect, equality and a desire to care for each other and share lives together in the expectation of being fairly happy. Of course one expects problems because they happen in all marriages but two sensible people, with a little give and take on both sides, usually realise neither are pefect and manage to iron out problems. They share mutual care and love of the other and a willingness to compromise and apologise for poor behaviour or causing hurt because they want their spouse to be happy.
A marriage where one is bipolar puts it all out of balance and puts a tremendous strain on the non bipolar spouse. Sometimes those with the illness excuse themselves for their bad behaviour which includes their need to control and overspending and appear to feel no guilt whatsoever. They seem unable to see or acknowledge the pain, distress, worries and suffering they are causing their spouse. In other words they lack insight and empathy and I begin to wonder whether they also lack love.
Often by the time bipolar disorder is diagnosed the non bipolar spouse is already suffering from lack of self esteem and depression from years of mental abuse,having spent those years in self-blame and being told by their spouse that they are responsible for the irrational outbreaks of anger, moods and bad behaviour.
Are those with bipolar not aware or giving no thought to the suffering they have caused their spouse, whether intentionally or unintentionally? The one person who has tried to adjust their lives to suit their undiagnosed manic and depressive spouse. They have constantly had to watch for those warning little mood changes, never knowing what mental state to expect from one moment to the next! One day, morning, theyare like their old selves, the person they fell in love with and next they become sullen and uncommunicative to the point of complete rejection or return home having overdrawn the bank account on goods you could not afford and did not want!
The bipolar mind seems to persuade itself that it is only they who suffer and consideration should only be given to them and not their spouse. After all since they have no control over their illness they are the ones who need sympathy, treatment and care. Don't they? So easy to forget, overlook or ignore what they have and still are putting their spouse through!
Want to hear the reality of marriage to someone with bipolar disorder? For years before diagnosis Anonymous tried to come to terms with the problem of her spouses changing moods - the anger, the highs and overspending and over optimism followed by days of black moods, until they themselves began to fall into depression. A case of a perfectly sane, balanced mind becoming unbalanced by being forced to live with their spouse's mental illness. This was a bipolar spouse who seems unable to acknowledge and understand the effect their illness had on their wife even to the extent of throwing out the accusation 'whatever happened to in sickness and in health?'
While I realise bipolar is a life sentence for those who have it the life of the non bipolar spouse is no cakewalk either and soon my blogs will give you some idea of the trials suffered by a non bipolar spouse.
Bound by marriage and love they receive no sympathy, support or understanding at all from their bipolar spouse apart from those very occasional times of perhaps a few hours when their spouse becomes balanced. Those with BD often excuse their appalling behavior, blaming it on their illness and, whether knowingly or not, are often unable to identify or sympathise with the distress and depression they have caused the person they are married to and, supposedly, love. It is almost, as one person remarked, as though they have a licence to behave badly.
It is one thing to be saddled with an incurable lifelong illness one did nothing to cause and did not ask for it but lets face it there are many people in the world who have a serious health issues they didn't ask for but are forced to deal with.
It is an entirely different matter when your behaviour causes others who love you to be driven into depression and there lies the difference between a marriage with and without bipolar. One can equally say that the non bipolar spouse did nothing to cause it but they are still forced to deal with it and adjust and keep their sanity!
In non bipolar marriage there is usually mutual love, respect, equality and a desire to care for each other and share lives together in the expectation of being fairly happy. Of course one expects problems because they happen in all marriages but two sensible people, with a little give and take on both sides, usually realise neither are pefect and manage to iron out problems. They share mutual care and love of the other and a willingness to compromise and apologise for poor behaviour or causing hurt because they want their spouse to be happy.
A marriage where one is bipolar puts it all out of balance and puts a tremendous strain on the non bipolar spouse. Sometimes those with the illness excuse themselves for their bad behaviour which includes their need to control and overspending and appear to feel no guilt whatsoever. They seem unable to see or acknowledge the pain, distress, worries and suffering they are causing their spouse. In other words they lack insight and empathy and I begin to wonder whether they also lack love.
Often by the time bipolar disorder is diagnosed the non bipolar spouse is already suffering from lack of self esteem and depression from years of mental abuse,having spent those years in self-blame and being told by their spouse that they are responsible for the irrational outbreaks of anger, moods and bad behaviour.
Are those with bipolar not aware or giving no thought to the suffering they have caused their spouse, whether intentionally or unintentionally? The one person who has tried to adjust their lives to suit their undiagnosed manic and depressive spouse. They have constantly had to watch for those warning little mood changes, never knowing what mental state to expect from one moment to the next! One day, morning, theyare like their old selves, the person they fell in love with and next they become sullen and uncommunicative to the point of complete rejection or return home having overdrawn the bank account on goods you could not afford and did not want!
The bipolar mind seems to persuade itself that it is only they who suffer and consideration should only be given to them and not their spouse. After all since they have no control over their illness they are the ones who need sympathy, treatment and care. Don't they? So easy to forget, overlook or ignore what they have and still are putting their spouse through!
Want to hear the reality of marriage to someone with bipolar disorder? For years before diagnosis Anonymous tried to come to terms with the problem of her spouses changing moods - the anger, the highs and overspending and over optimism followed by days of black moods, until they themselves began to fall into depression. A case of a perfectly sane, balanced mind becoming unbalanced by being forced to live with their spouse's mental illness. This was a bipolar spouse who seems unable to acknowledge and understand the effect their illness had on their wife even to the extent of throwing out the accusation 'whatever happened to in sickness and in health?'
While I realise bipolar is a life sentence for those who have it the life of the non bipolar spouse is no cakewalk either and soon my blogs will give you some idea of the trials suffered by a non bipolar spouse.
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