Control freaks are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak's pattern is broken, “the Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness … But feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves”.
Control freaks appear to have some similarities to co-dependents, in the sense that the latters' fear of abandonment leads to attempts to control those they are dependent on. Recovery for them entails recognising that being a control freak helped paradoxically preserve co-dependency itself.
Arguing with the control freak seldom works. Why? Because they are an expert at justifying to themselves and everyone else why they are right. They are world authorities in being “right”. They have spent whole lifetimes practicing “being right”. So trying to out-argue them can be nigh on impossible.
Control freaks have a need for high status and may often show a lack of humour, especially where they themselves are concerned. People who can laugh at themselves tend to see the bigger picture and therefore don’t always try to inflict their limited viewpoint as the only possible viewpoint.
Ultimately, it’s not your role to control a control freak. A mature human being knows what they can and cannot influence and control. Compulsively trying to control everything is what children do when they still think they are the centre of the Universe.
If they will not change then get out of their way if you possibly can. Because whilst you are being controlled too much by someone else, you will never be free to develop.
Unfortunately they will not get better until they seek
long term therapy.
It is also unfortunate that many do not recognise themselves.
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