Is there one word to describe them? I don't know. Patronising doesn't seem enough? Whatever word you use for such people they have an attitude which takes several forms, betraying itself in the way they behave, talk, write and advise.
Me? Well I'm just faulty old me. I am human and prone to make errors - too many perhaps, and possibly I have more faults than most - or is that one-upmanship and patronising?
I hate being asked for advice, because my answer is just one of many alternatives. What suits me, may not suit another, but I think no less of them for taking an alternative route. After all in another place and time I might not actually follow my own advice. No-one has all the answers. However if they advise - you'd better take it because if you don't - their attitude will first be 'you've made your bed, now you must lie on it' and if it goes wri=ong 'There, I told you so!' Don't you just hate them at that moment?
Whatever happens - with them it is always you that is wrong, never them. There is never any doubt in their mind. They are ready to judge and speak out about the failings of others but cannot see their own. Regardless of whether you believe in the stories told in the Bible, it does have some important teachings, including 'Why are you concerned with the mote in the other’s eye when there is a beam in your own?' We all like to find fault with others while ignoring our own.
Does this patronising attitude actually hide a great insecurity, an inferiority complex, an attempt to cover up their faults by placing themselves on a pedestal and looking down from a great height? Is this all an act because they are unable to face their true inner selves, or do they actually believe themselves, in which case we are talking about a superiority complex!
So how does one recognize these patronisers - well, they behave in so many varied and different ways they are sometimes difficult to identify. With one type it is - that everything you have ever done is inadequate compared to their achievements. They believe they are better at everything they are interested in so in fact they are boasters and one-uppers.
It has been said that the soldier who does not speak of his war experiences is the hero, and the one who boasts about them or uses them for self aggrandizement is probably exaggerating which reminds me that the people who worked at Bletchley Park did not seek the glory but remained silent for decades about their work.
You will also find that patronisers have various patterns of behaviour including:
The way they behave when they have power or authority over members of the public, children, partners, parents, employees, old people, patients. Its all in the tone and manner and there are so many instances of this suffice it to say they cover various aspects of our society.
The way they treat those of a different colour, sexual orientation, nationality or religious belief or disbelief. Yes, even these are patronisers because they believe their way is the right and the only way. They are usually ignorant and cowards who have to hunt in packs.
The way they do not listen to the arguments or let others have their say without interrupting to make their point. Many become aggressive interviewers on television or bombastic politicians - watch Jeremy or American TV presenters such as those Fox.
The way they always know better and make it clear 'I'm in charge here' or 'I have the authority' attitude, which often feels like bullying. The name Thatcher comes to mind. So do some policemen although most of the latter are very polite and pleasant.
The way their experiences are so much worse or better than that yours. Usually found pontificating in the local pub after a few beverages. They're also the ones you cannot get away from.
and may even follow you home to continue the story
The way they behave in another country or county when they cannot speak the language or understand the dialect. Particularly applies to some English and American citizens who are a total embarrassment to the rest of us.
The way they put down those of the opposite sex. Despite proof that both are equal they cannot stand the thought because they really know they are inferior - the need to control also comes in here - need I say more?
All us honest 'common or garden' decent folk are just trying to get by - to get from one end of life to the other with as little struggle as possible, and we haven't the time, energy or wish to be patronising. All we ask is to be treated, whatever our situation, with a little respect, and be allowed to keep our dignity as long as we are dignified in our behaviour.
We all are human beings - conceived and born into the same world - in more or less the same way. We all have the same bodily functions. We all get sick, and eventually die and if we are lucky we are old before the end comes. We are all called on to deal with unexpected and painful situations in our lives, which we deal with as best we can.
We do not apprecate being talked down to, ignored, interrupted, judged, or being treated unfairly or unequally by a someone who speaks patronisingly as though they are a demi-god.
To finish remember Helena's words in All Well that Ends Well:
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